Discovering yourself is the first step to wisdom

Tribute to Snowy

2012-01-13T18:38:00.004+08:00

R.I.P My beloved dog, Snowy, August 2004 - January 12th, 2012.

I can't even begin to describe the sadness and grief I am feeling right now, every time i walk into my house, I am reminded of your going. Everytime I open my room door and walk to the living room, I see your "home" that has been put away, newspaper in the house that are gone, the barricade that used to block the kitchen. They are all gone, just in one night. How could this happen? When just a few nights ago, you were still jumping about, greeting me with your loving smiles, ever so active, and always so excited to meet me. How could you just leave me alone in this world, when I haven't loved you enough... it was never enough. How could you rob a piece of my heart away from me? I've had you..ever since I was 10. That's almost 8 years of relationship, 8 years of having you, my earliest memories are with you.

Everywhere I turn now, I'm reminded of your absence. And tears keep on welling up in my eyes, I have grieved and cried for you day and night, never have i let out my tears so intensely. You mean so much to me, do you know that? Ever since I was a little kid, my parents would leave for work, my sisters are almost never home, and I am home alone with you. It's almost as if i am an only child. All these years, going through life, I have been upsetted, angered, saddened, frightened, so many times, and you have always been there for me. You would run towards me with your huge grin, and stand on two legs while trying to balance on my legs. Every time I sat down on the sofa, you would jump right beside me and cuddle towards me. Every time I have troubles, you sit right there and listen to me, and look at me in the eye as if everything is alright. Every time I push you away and you know that I'm in a bad mood, you would quietly stay away, while looking at me, as if asking me whether it's alright to return by my side now. You are my childhood companion, my best friend, the one I turn to when i feel down, the one that I know will love me unconditionally. You are my family. And I loved you so much...

And now, all I have left, is your collar. The collar that you loved so much even though we never bring you for walks. Our home now smells strange without your scent, feels cold without your presence, sounds quiet without your barks, and looks foreign without your ornaments. This family will never be the same without you. In a way, you have been the only thing that has been keeping this family from drifting far away from each other, the only thing that has bound us together. Now I fear for the future, without you to constantly bind us together, where would we be in 10 years?

It's so hard to go on. Knowing you are no longer there by my side. Knowing that I will never see your face again when I come home, when i leave the room in the middle of the night, never again can I feel the touch of your warm skin in my palm, and watch you so contently enjoy my strokes. Every time I'm on the verge of breaking down, you have been there to make me smile, make me feel a little better inside. My world is crumbling without you, it's like a part of me have faded away forever, and i would never get over your loss.

I wish I could say I can be strong, but I couldn't. It's so hard to hold up a strong front outside, when so easily, I am reminded of you. Every time I walked around the house, anticipating your presence, only to realize you are no longer there, it kills me inside. I dread going home now, dread going back to the home where you are no longer there. But I will try to move on, in your memory. I know, you would have wanted me to. Wherever you are now, I hope you are happier, free of your pain, the agonizing last hours of your death, when I see the look of fear in your eyes, and tears of pain, as I bid you my last goodbye. In the cage at the clinic, "I'll pray for you", i said, and you look at me, with a distant look in your eyes. Somehow I knew, that would be the last time we see each other. At least I've got to say my goodbyes...

Goodbye forever, Snowy, my soul companion. May we meet each other again in heaven some day...

觅

2010-12-11T23:53:00.010+08:00

也许

有一天，
在世界的某一处，
那街口的拐角旁，
熟悉的公园里，
我会遇到你。

我一直在寻找的，
一次又一次地擦肩而过，
路过，走过，看过
却从没注意过的
她

India reflection

2010-11-29T02:22:00.002+08:00

It's India reflection time! and i gotta send a report to the teachers bout my homestay experience, and it looks like blogging material. So here you go!

Well, my homestay experience was kinda great. It was one of the last few days in india and Its really the homestay experience that made me feel charmed by India.

(The first document that I did not manage to save was quite messy and bold, so its alright. I shall make this more politically correct) – 25 words

Anyway, it gave me an opportunity to see India, not through the lenses of the Indian people(because that would be too cliché to say), but hand in hand with the denizens of India. I get to see and feel the city of Rajkot with the people of india(again its “with”, not “through”), and savour the delicacies that is Uniquely India.

Home-staying with Weixuan and shalv’s family could be described by one word: Special. Yes, that last sentence was a vague one and I might as well be saying nothing. But I am, saying something, 13 words at least.

Shalv family was a rather traditional kind, I would say. They don’t seem to joke around a lot, or maybe its our fault that they don’t laugh that much. (You know how they always say: “It’s me, not you.”?) But they were gracious hosts that try to meet our every need, and we are very grateful for that.

Okay, let’s talk about the food. Food was awesome. I didn’t know vegetarian food could taste this good. Many interesting names too, there’s one called gugra, whatever the spelling, and its like a curry puff shape like thingy, with sweet goodness inside. And they have tempura capsicums and brown india *kakiage too(No, its not racism, its really brown.) And then one of the days they cooked Maggie mee for us. And it was G.O.O.D, like Great, Omg, Omg, Delicious! Alright, that was just made up on the spot, thank you thank you. Seriously, the Maggie mee was Damn Delicious(ALLITERATION) , I don’t know how they cooked it, but I ate three pots, and that says something. And I couldn’t eat dinner after that, which says something too.

Oh and there was a vegetarian pizza hut. But I’m getting bored of vegetables, so let’s move on to cows. I love the cows in Rajkot, They are everywhere. (HOLY COW!) And yes, I think they are sacred? They kinda just lie on the road, walk through traffic without giving a damn If people will knock them down or swerve and hit a bystander. They walk like they own the road. No wait, maybe they do own india. Cows own India! Yes, that makes perfect sense, India is owned by cows! That’s why, they are free to roam around and get free food whenever someone is on the low side of their life. Just kidding, but it would be pretty cool if its true.

I’m pretty much done here, nothing much to add. The people are nice, the weather is nice, the sanitary of the place needs to be improved, Levi stores needs to stop handing their goods to customers in Lotto bags. Yeah, that’s it, unless I’m supposed to talk about the special shape of the toilet seat I saw in india which has like the shape of two feets, so that girls(I’m assuming) can choose to squat on it as well. I was wondering: squatting is most probably a preffered way over sitting in india, and hence the unique cultural design.Or maybe the point is, you’re meant to put your foot on the seat cover anyways, for both male and female, but that is a question for you to ponder.

Alright, that sums up my experience IN INcredible INdia, If you read until here, I applaud you for your patience and tolerance of bull****(It’s censored cuz its Singapore, and also my audience is 4 teachers!) Or maybe it will expand, seems too convenient, I could just put on my blog anyways. I’ll probably just copy and paste there. Good Night/Good Morning/ Good Afternoon, wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever your watch says. आप का दिन अच्छा बीते!

*Japanese tempura fried vegetables

Time

2010-11-17T14:01:00.003+08:00

As i count down to the last few hours of my flight to india, i realised how time slips you by everytime you tried to capture it. There are still so many things i wanted to accomplish before leaving for india, and amidst all the happenings in my life, i still haven gotten around to do it. Even though, they will not take me more than 10 minutes of my time, but i've somehow managed to elude them and allowed them to snowpile. I can't go on with this anymore, i have completed one task before leaving for india(at least that's one thing off my mind), and i will get around to do it.

郦娅，无论如何我也一定会回复你的信件和简讯，请你原谅我的不负责任！

Music of Post-modernism

2010-09-30T17:54:00.012+08:00

I'm a person who do not have a specific taste in music. I do like most types of music, be it baroque, classical, romantic, modern, rock, pop, country even new age. I've listened to almost all genres of music and in almost every genre there are some that i especially like. I'm not as extreme to say that music is my life, but ever since i've been introduced to modern english songs, i've been in love with it. Almost everyday i'm listening to new songs on youtube and searching for even better ones.

I realised music can be expressed in so many forms.However, my guitar teacher says that the modern music is the degeneration of music. There is no greater composer than Bach or Hendel, classical and baroque music is the only true music. Modern music corrupts your mind. However, i disagree, totally disagree. Call me a post-modernist, I too do not believe in metanarratives. To me, modern music is the evolution of music and just like fashion and all other types of human expression, it reflects the times of the society as well.

I'm not referring to the song lyrics or specific songs, but the type of music that was popular at that period in history. The shift from Baroque to classical to romantic music was reflective of the attitude of society at that time. Briefly, it reflects generally the dominant attitude of the society towards the world at that time. Let's fast forward a little. After the romantic period which ended around 1920, comes the modern era.

Modern era is known for a special movement called modernism movement(1940s - ?). It is known for its depiction of the disjointed, fragmented and a tendency towards complexity. Guess what's popular at that period of time? Rock music. Rock music was on the rise at the same time with modernism. Rock music focused on a variety of instruments, mainly the guitar, drums, sometimes blues keyboard, and also featuring the lead singer as well. Songs are not "structured" the same way as classical or baroque period, chords are either disjointed or not even used. The songs are played mainly out of emotions and they express very deep emotions indeed. However, most of it featured are often dark emotions,and also a complex guitar solo in the middle of the song. these are all features of modernism(complexity and disjointed)

Of course, at the same time, there are other forms of music that is popular. We are focusing on europe and america here, as they are the ones that are most affected by the modernism movement and postmodernism. Other music includes Heavy Metal, Jazz, Blues, Blue jazz, and all other types you can think of. Punk culture, most commonly associated with rebel or counter culture is also prevalent at that age in time. All these different genres of music are connected by one similarity: they stresses complexity, requires specific skills and are under the theme of "fragemented".

Technically speaking, the era of modernism has not ended yet. No one is able to really mark the end to it, as some forms of it is still around today. (presence of metanarratives like religion, elite high culture etc...) However, we are already stepping into a new era, that is termed post-modernism. This period is marked by a celebratory spirit, with a rejection of metanarratives. The artist is a manipulator of signs, he/she does not participate in the creation of art, but rather manipulate exisiting signs of art.

Here is the interesting point that I observe in mainstream music today. Music is moving towards an era of post-modernism. Rock music is slowly falling out of fashion, though they are still around, but not as popular as before anymore. One of the only exisitng punk rock bands still active today, is perhaps My Chemical Romance, and that's all. Other mainstream rockbands like Shinedown is still active, but it is not hard to see that society has a preference for a newer form of culture. Pop and Hip-Hop culture.

While rock and heavy metal is falling out of fashion, they are being replaced by pop artists and rappers. These songs have some very striking similarities. First, they are all rather easy songs, with not very hard solos(sometimes even not at all), some dont even require an instrument to make the music. Example would be Rap songs. It's rather easy to "create" music. All you need is to have a software that creates beats, have a few short melodious riffs and lastly, one just have fill in the lyrics. The lyrics dont even need to rhyme, you just have to say them at the right beat. Melody is optional here.

Pop music usually requires only a few chords, and the whole song is a repetition of those same chords. They can also be produced in a studio, and instruments are not really needed unless the artist wish to perform in live/acoustic settings.

There's an even more extreme example of this tendency towards easiness. T-pain, one of the rapper in the music industry came up with an intelligient device, known as autotune microphone. Autotune already helps tune a person to perfect pitch, with an autotune microphone that corrects your pitch almost the same moment as you sing it out. Anybody who doesn't know how to sing, could just use that microphone to hit the perfect pitch every single time, provided he knows the rough pitch of course.

1. No knowledge of an instrument is required to make music
2. Without the ability or talent to sing, anyone is able to hit perfect pitch

Complexity is deemed irrelavant and everything just tends towards easiness.

But there is a drawback to this: everything begins to sound similar. There are complaints that artists sound similar to each other. The artist become a manipulator of signs instead of creators of them(Post-modernism) One example would be Avril Lavigne's top single "Girlfriend" sounding eerily similar to The Rubinoos "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" While Avril's song features "Hey! Hey! You! You! I wanna be your girlfriend", the rubinoos had the exact same line, except change the girlfriend to boyfriend. Also, Katy Perry's "California Girls" sounds like Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" as well.

This is yet another feature of post-modernism, in which a large number of artwork are just "copied and pasted", while no original work is created. However, these tracks that have such similar elements are rare to say the least. They are almost the exception in the field of plagiarism. But even amongst "orginal" works by most rappers and pop artists, its not hard to draw similarities between songs as well. Most rap songs sound very similar, the major difference lies only in the music video, persona of the artist and his unique voice, and the lyrics. The musical elements are very similar(they are mostly beats anyway).

Last but not least, the celebratory nature of post-modernism, yet another common feature in pop/rap songs worldwide. In contrast to the dark,emotive melodies and "reality subjects" dealt with in rock, the subject of pop songs are mostly celebratory. It is usually about sex, teenage life, parties, love...etc, very rarely about "serious subjects". 2010 Best Album of the Year Grammy award winner Taylor Swift is a pop/country singer officially, but her songs mostly contain more elements of pop than country. Her winning album Fearless is a compilation of pop/country songs that talks about love. While the 2010 grammy song of the year is awarded to Beyonce for the song Single Ladies. Yet another song that talks about love. Not only is the subject positive, even the melodies are uplifting and positive. Rappers, i do not even need to start to talk about them. Lil wayne, T-pain, Snoop dogg and all those rapper songs all speak for themselves. Even though they usually rap about drugs and sex, they glamourizes this aspect, making it seem like a very glorious lifestyle. An exception to this would be Eminem, who moslty raps about his life, but he is really the exception in this picture.

As you can see, even in music today, there is a significant drift towards aspects of post-modernism. As with the normal trajectory of history, i would expect rock music to die out mostly in the decades to come, with only a handful who still pursues this culture. Already, there are rock fans who criticize modern music(pop and rap) as a degeneration of music(which is strikingly similar to how my guitar teacher calling modern music rubbish and classical/baroque style as true music). Truly shows that these "modernism types of music" are falling out of the picture.

Pop and Rap would come to replace rock and metal. It's an unfortunate, but inevitable fact.

I could only hope for a revival of rock music sometime in the future that will spark off a sensation in the youths of tomorrow.

Find that Inner Strength

2010-09-11T23:37:00.006+08:00

Focus, focus is the key, the key to all success in life. I know i need to do well in the exams, its all i've been working towards all these while. All the tests and exams, all comes down to this. This exam is the one thing that is gonna count, this exam is gonna determine whether i can get to the stream that i want, whether i can do well in A levels, whether i can go on to fulfill my dream.

When i was younger, no perhaps just rewind a year back. Want me to focus? No problem. Finish this in one hour? No problem. Mug like crazy? No problem. But now, i find it so hard to focus, so hard to set my mind into this. Hell, even when i say to myself, i really want to do well in the exams, i feel like i am lying to myself. Why? What is lacking in my life now? Nothing? is that the reason why i can't find the reason to work hard? I went jogging, and i can't even push myself to go further when i know i can. I'd always jog until i am out of breath, now just to kill myself, i decided to sprint as fast as possible for the last 100m.

I've got to pull my act together, I've got to push myself forward. I need to convince myself that this is something worth putting effort into. Set me a target, give me a motivation to work hard for. I need a spring, a trigger, or a person for me to want to win. Its so easy when there's a comparison, a close friend whom i care about so much that i want to win/impress him/her. For results, i've always compared myself to Gerontius, to make myself work hard. For sports, I've always count on Sihui to make me wanna jog that extra mile. For music, I've always had Jerrell to jam that beat to. There's always someone i feel is better than me, that i need to work harder to get on par, or even excel them. I've grown reliant on these motivations, such that when they are gone, it makes me lose my heart in this. Jerrell told me he wasn't so interested in guitar anymore, Si hui stopped trying to beat me in pull-ups, Gerontius ain't performing as well as I hope he would perform.

All these bars that I set for myself, seem to have disappeared, along with my motivation to work hard in most of the areas. Even the feelings I had for the girl that I used to like, seem to wither away with time, along with the motivation for me improve myself. Nothing inspires me, not poets or prose, nor songs or dance. I seem to paint a bleak picture, but i know there's always a silver lining.

After a year, just one year, 2009-2010. I can't say I've changed little, there's so much of me that's different. Certainly a stronger person, emotionally or physically, and a more sensible one too. Yet, i've only come to realise, the part of me that's lacking, that i've never noticed. I've always relied on competing with others, the fact that i wanted to impress others, to motivate me to work towards success. When my friend's performance fluctuates, it affected me, just like now, when all those bars i've set myself are gone, i'm left here standing alone, not knowing how to proceed. To think that they will always be there is naive, stupid.

I've got to find strength within myself. To work hard, not for my friends, not for my parents, not for anyone else, but myself. My success would affect me the greatest, and so will my failure.

It is not too late, Jasmon, you can still pull this off. You're not working for others, but for yourself, and your future.

Its really hard to change this habit, especially when you've used this all the time in your life. but I believe in myself, I can find the inner strength, this inner motivation, to push myself to succeed. I've met with countless obstacles, countless hearthrobs, but i've always pulled myself out of it stronger. Faced with this situation, I'm sure I can overcome them and go on.

I want to work hard, because that would mean I will not blame myself for getting bad grades, because I've tried my best and if I get good grades, it would be justified. And with that, after the exam is over, I can face the world with a brighter smile and a warmer heart, with no regrets.

I will work hard.

Jasmon

Identity

2010-08-03T20:25:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, i feel like i am two individuals. The part of me that i was once familiar with is ripped apart to form the Other. A present that is everything that the past could not accomplish, a self-initiated upgrade based on the standards of the society. I once hypothesized: you are what you pretend to be. The longer you pretend, the more "real" it feels to you, and the more ingrained it becomes rooted to you, and associated with your personality. Now, i am the result i needed to prove my hypothesis. Its true.

How did this happen? After an event that had a great impact on me, i just felt that i need to change. I need to act in a certain way. I cannot stay this way forever. And I did, after that event, it was easy to pretend, so much so that it didn't feel like pretending. Then i realised, i enjoy being this way, whatever it is, i feel way more crazier. I wanted it, and so i hid that part(the past) of me away, and stow it away somewhere deep.

For quite a long time, i had been rationalizing, whether they are separate entities, or just a form of maturity. Perhaps, I have just grown up, see things clearer, got out of my box, start to live life. whatever. It certainly felt this way, i am much sharper in these relations.

Whichever it is, i guess i am still Jasmon. Some parts are easier to get rid of, and some are just damn stubborn and i couldn't get rid of them. Some parts are just completely switched over and its hard to switch them back. Like now, i rather have company then not. I rather have someone to talk to, then being alone. I rather go out and LAN than stay home and do my work. that's like a completely opposite of me before. but still, i kinda enjoy the life i lead now. Much more fun than before.

Now, its easy to be me, cuz i am me, though much different from the 'me' i am before. But this subtle switching thing is really amazing. I can literally teach myself and mould myself to be take up certain qualities by forcing myself to be that way and surrounding myself with the right kind of people. (What i pretend to be + learning from the people around me(sub conscious) + events that happen + originally me = me) Soon, i might even be able to apply that into treating depression. Briliant!

let me live...

2010-08-03T20:09:00.003+08:00

I know I have to start working. I know. There's not much time left. I've never in my life had discipline problems, with myself, and never walked to an exam hall not fully prepared. Not until this year, they start appearing to me. I cannot complete my work on time, i cannot comprehend the lessons on the spot, i can't bring myself to be alone without any contact with others. And even some things, like sleep and gaming, i can't bring myself to abstain from them. Its just so hard. The distractions piled up and i can't put them aside. Even this blogging. I just hope that after this i can finally bring myself to my senses and start working for my math test.

You know, its hard, really hard, to not be able to reflect and think like i used to last time. Its almost impossible to inherit the merits of two people at the same time. Everyone i encounter, the people i hang out with, i would inherit some of their qualities. What i see and feel, becomes part of me. At the same time, what i pretend to be, becomes part of me as well, over time. Then, there is me, the quality that is entirely me that still retains even after so many changes.
What i pretend to be + learning from the people around me(sub conscious) + events that happen + originally me = me.
That is my view on how a person learns to make sense of the world around him/her and how one turns into a certain individual.

At the end of this 4 year programme, i really want to pursue a medical degree. If possible, i wish i could get straight into NUS medical school. I know many people wants to pursue a medical career, but not many know whether its their true calling. To be honest, i'm not certain as well. But if you ask me for the reason, it'll be this: I want to help and touch individuals of the society and relieve their plight in whatever micro war they are fighting within their bodies. that is how i want to contribute to the society, that i am for sure.

well, ever since my blog readership went down, its easier for me to post things. Perhaps, that's what i'm waiting for, for it to cool off the meter. so that i can feel easier posting about my thoughts and feelings.

Steadfast

2010-07-04T02:49:00.005+08:00

Sometimes I wonder: What if these are all just fleeting possessions of ours? fleeting worries, fleeting thoughts, fleeting moments...They don't last, what we got now is not even a glimpse of what we will have in the future. and all of this will come to pass. Why must we try so hard to get everything now when we know that we will lose it all someday, and get back new ones in the future. Its like milk teeth, the past gets replaced by the future.

But does that mean we can just toss everthing to one side and declare that they are useless? No! They have their value. They all do. Reminiscence: The times i stay up through the night, trying hard to kick myself awake and doing Bio project with Gerontius on the phone line, at 4am in the morning. The times I lie under the stars near the beach, talking my heart out with some good friends. The times I try so hard and fell flat on my face. All of these, mean so much to me at that particular moment. Though their importance wane as time goes by, they are all stepping stones to the future i am embarking on. Without them, there's no way you can get across the river, to the future.

We live only in the present, once in the past, maybe in the future, but for now and now, our lives are anchored to the present. Grab hold of the moment, and give it your best shot, in everything that you do. Sure, they may not seem so important in the future, but you never know what implications it might bring.

Worry not, for the future that is to come. Stay steadfast in the present, make damn sure you live your life to the fullest and the future will be taken care of by the present.

Happy Birthday Blog

2010-04-30T02:22:00.004+08:00

As of now, this blog is officially 3 years old. I remember when I first created it when I was secondary 1, I was posting about something with regards to primary school. Looking back now, I realised how much I had grown from the over-sensitive kid to the young adult I am now. So many changes that occured and so many things that I now regret.

I realised that my honesty in my emotions in the past has hurt so many individuals, more so them than myself. Now, it seemed so funny, but yet at the same time, regrettable. Nostalgia, nostalgia....I miss my friends, my times in primary school, secondary school...It was a time where mistakes can be made, right? And now, at least I'd known better...

Every day you grow, and every time you fall, you gain something from it.

Anyway, happy Birthday dear blog, i can't remember if today is the day you are created, but i'd love to remember you as such. You have witnessed my growth through the many things I've posted throughout the years. And, you will be someone(something) I will always keep in touch. Adieus, my friend.

Time travel

2010-02-21T00:07:00.008+08:00

I realised I have not done picture posts for quite awhile. So here's some pictures from 2009 VJC. All taken on January 2009, Reminiscence!

First Class outing to roxy square qiu rong ban mian! We combined tables and ate and talked. Now we have all changed...but the food there never changes! Its still qiu rong ban mian....

Woah NS guy joining us...wait nope. Its just Si hui, who at that particular felt his right forehead was kinda itchy. Hmmm... thinking back, you had a similar haircut on january 2010, the one where the barber not happy with you. What a co-incidence! (or did you actually have this haircut the whole year?)

Wenji and his masterpiece! Drawing out banessa's POTC pencil case for his BC group. What's the name again? Starts with L i remember. and sounds like Laksa. ermm..can't recall..

Great, the whole class vacated. Except these 4 people, and the camera man , me, of course. I bet no one saw me taking this shot.

Our old classroom...with the nice sofa and mind-bending computer desks..

some of us went to New Majestic Hotel during BC. And this is one of their rooms. Looks so cool with the red decoration. Its supposed to be the room in which you enter during your wedding night, drink your two cups of wine, open the bridal cover, then go to bed and do your thing....

And of course, the next room. modern, chic, has an iphone charger, and a nice mural at the side wall. My favourite room: The Pussy Parlour.

Here's Jolene on a bed. uhmmm.... Hmm..... right....eh next photo....

Four girls!

and I see me in the photo. and others too. Nice arrrangement

I know this doesn't belong here. But ain't my dog just so cute?

New Era

2010-02-11T00:38:00.003+08:00

Another crazy weekend. I've been bombarded by so many assignments and homeworks, my head feels like a piece of magnesium put in a test-tube. what?? No reaction happened. It feels so ,not-moving and dead. I really need my redbull to give me strength and courage to not fall asleep in class. I NEED IT.

Ahh.... I realised I never blogged about this, but jamming is fun. Its so damn fun, jamming out chords and making it sound nice. or playing songs that we previously practiced. Its just so de-stressing and gives you a sense of accomplishment. Especially when you have such awesome band members. Awesome! I really hope i can still continue to jam with them in the future, even after we are separated due to JC1. But, i shall not dwell on it. I shall make sure the present is not wasted and make full use of my the time i have left in IP.

Now, I can confidently declare that I have moved on to a new part of my life. New way of life or whatever. Embracing and inculcating more and more aspects of life. And this is great, I love life this way. I may be busy, but I'll always have time for friends. I may be upset, but i'll always find somethings to be happy about. I may feel lonely, but everytime i turn to look, i'd always find a smiling face, hear a friendly greeting or receive a powerful bear hug from the giant. I see more colours now, in my life, more than ever before. Possibilities, exploration, discoveries, experience are all just part of the package.

Walk the route down the hill or take a plunge off the cliff? I'll take the cliff, any day, any time! After all, its not the years in life that matters, but the life in years.

Barely 8 hours away...

2010-01-11T00:44:00.001+08:00

woah, can't believe its gonna be school reopen so soon. Its barely 8 hours away. I shall have a restful sleep and be ready to have fun tomorrow! First Day of school and there's gonna be lotsa juniors. How exciting!

Striding past the gallery..

2009-12-24T14:46:00.009+08:00

Youth... Its such a beautiful dream...

Another year is due to pass, another year filled with memories of my youth. The First times, the lessons i've picked up and regrets, all of them left behind to welcome a new start. What is life but a walk through strange places. To arrive at new ports, and only to leave too soon, but always picking up something in each town. Souvenirs, a picture, scars or even a footprint you left behind. And they are all beautiful, priceless in their own ways. And I kept them all, close to my heart, to remind me of all that had happened in the waking moments of my life.

Burdens. You know, I don't hate, I wouldn't. It hurts me just as much as I would want to hurt the other person. Mental torture it is, and I couldn't see an end to it. Just to be reminded of the hatred, brings only pain to my mind and a nightmare that is soon to follow in the night. How torturing it is! To bring but sorrow and murderous intentions to your mind at wake, thoughts and fears that flash whilst you lay wide awake in bed, only to be haunted by nightmares and fears after you had fallen asleep. And the cycle continues, a never ending cycle of pain. You want to put an end to this, to drive away all that poisons your life. But Love is an addiction and so is pain. An addiction to the suffering. Perhaps that was how I felt weeks, or months ago.

I dont wish for a happy ending. I dont see one. Time will heal, love will heal, that is how i feel. And over the course of these months, then i finally worked out a way to stop all these. Love, connection, time, People, they straighten things out. One by one, slowly, all ties are cut. And with that, days become shorter and time becomes more bearable. At least I dont have to face these four walls alone day after day, just so they could remind me of the suffering I felt. Once, twice, and its enough. Hope does paint a much better picture than hatred.

Alone, I really couldn't see a way out , and I can't possibly "think" a way out. I was trapped in a labyrinth filled with question marks. I just walked in circles only to find myself back at the same spot. But friends I had(no, they dint know the way out either), they just pointed me in directions to keep me going. Dead ends and pits, I still encounter, but they were there to accompany me through it all. Never abandoning me back in the maze alone, to face it all by myself.

Up until now, I still couldn't confidently say that I have walked out of the labyrinth(and no, I dint see any minotaurs either, they are a myth, accept it). Perhaps there is no way out. Its a maze that you built for yourself, and along every corner, there's a trap you set for yourself It's something you so delicately design to torture yourself so that you'll never walk out of it. But at least for now, it doesn't bother me as much. Pain will cease to exist if you dont even feel any suffering from it. I don't intend to bring forth any of these things to the new year, the helpless ego trapped in the labyrinth and the hatred, the burdens...they will all be left behind, erased along with time.

Life is so much better with ups and downs, and so much more enjoyable when you see it for what it is.

I once believed that deep in the core of everyone is someone that is self-centered, that harbours ill intention, that is set out to hurt, and that will by any means try to manipulate their way to the top. And so I've conveniently ignored the good deeds they have done, and look at where they are, assumed all dark thoughts that must have went through their head and under-hand methods they must have used. Or when i was betrayed, when I see them hurt others or manipulate others. All just so that I could tell myself: "I told you so! They are all like that by nature!" .....However, honestly, that never felt good. For you feel more disappointed by the world, you feel colder, you grow distrustful of others and it all just gets darker and darler.

But in actual fact, the sun has always been shining, you just couldn't see it because you choose to be in the shade. People in general really does have good intentions in mind, they do care, they do listen. I have no idea why the sources I've been going through all said that listening is a dying skill, that people choose to talk more than they listen. When in actual fact, they people I met, they all do listen, and they listened with concern. Its better to believe that everyone is kind and good in nature, and when proven your point, it brings so much more light into your life. And I do now, and it really brought so much more warmth to my world. To meet up with people, to give and receive help, and to enjoy life for what it is without thinking too much into each move you make. They are the good times in life.

Life is a breeze that could blow you away, and I'm not gonna waste it.

Inside everyone, is someone that is constantly growing and learning from experience, that can feel helpless at times and bursting with strength at other times. They are constantly struggling in life, only to be beaten down, then stood up again and moulded into someone new to face with new challenges again. And that is us, unique not because of the different fingerprints we have, but because of the lifetime of struggles we have been through in life. This, I believe to be true.

Open your eyes to a new dawn, for in life, everyone truly has so much to offer, if you would but open your eyes..and ears. :)

Review for 2009 (And people I would like to thank)

2009-12-12T02:16:00.006+08:00

If you ask me, do you regret anything that you did this year?

I would answer: No.

I never regretted anything that I did this year. All that I have done, I never regretted. Good or bad, upsetting or happy, they all taught me something. Every little thing taught me the rules of survival and ways to make it all better. For that, I am lucky. This has been the most fruitful and eventful year yet, perhaps even the turning point in my teenagehood. I have now experienced things(boy i swore I never even seen it coming when I was in chung cheng), that would have changed my point of view forever. And I am glad, for those events, now that I know better.

It is the things I didn't do that I regret. What do I regret not doing?
-I regret not being able to do as well academically
-I regret missing so many class outings and not paying as much attention to my friends
-I regret shying away when opportunities and friends open up to me
-I regret not seeing all the mistakes I have made as a person(though now i will see to it that it will be changed)

And maybe more, but just that these are the few that could come right off my head. Reviewing my whole year, one question I thought I would definitely ask myself. Do I regret making the choice to come to VJC? No, of course not. Sometimes, maybe i miss the friends in chung cheng, much more of my type, and the chinese environment there. But overall, it has still been a good decision to come here. Gets me out of my comfort zone and well, i might find something yet again that I like here. In fact, I think I do.

Alright, now I shall compile my Thank you list, to people that well, I want to thank. I might add more, if i suddenly rememebered the incident. But for now, here it goes:

Prancer
My childhood best friend, and still my best friend. You have always been a great friend to me(and your family is very nice to me too), helping me when I'm faced with problems countless times. Or rather just hanging out with me countless of times, whether playing table tennis or in wolfteam or just to catch up with each other's life. I still enjoy those conversations at friday night. haha man, i also dont know how to describe, but yea buddy, Thanks a lot. I know I can trust you with my wallet, handphone or anything valuable that I have and not have a single doubt you'll take it for yourself. And I know you can say the same thing to me. =D Its been a good 5 years knowing you man (i mean, dont count the ones when we are just 7 years old, that time we dont even know each other well yet), and i'm sure it will go on strong.

Jerry
Thank you buddy, for all the advice you have given me. It does help, most of it. And man, whenever I talk to you, my mind clears a little, and I can finally put things in perspective. Its awesome to know someone who you know you could share your thoughts with in peace(I'm sure you felt the same way eh?) To be able to talk to someone, or just reminiscient bout the past. And anyway we used to meet up in the morning to play basketball during the holidays quite often. Well, anyway I'm glad you climb to where you are today, as vice-head prefect, i'm sure all that you went through would do you good in the long run.

Gerontius
It has been a tough year eh? When we are all struggling to top each other academically. I wouldn't say that there hasn't been times when things got slightly tense and awkward, but really, you still had been a great friend to me. Perhaps you have sometimes thought that you might not have been a good enough friend, in fact I think that I might not have been a good enough friend. Many events that occured, but still...I think we still managed to kept it intact eh? Perhaps at the start I have been living in the past, but now, i do see a way out and how it could still be ensued. Change is occuring constantly. Man you always gave me your understanding, but i always felt that i have misused it.Either way, you have been a great companion and a good rival in academics, dont deny to me that you dont see me that way. But who says rivals can't be friends? haha. Thank you so much for your understandings and competition! It drives me on! Hah!

Gladys
Now, Here's someone I can write an entire essay about. Haha. You have taught me much, and though much that I still need to learn O.o But yea, you have essentially changed the way I have seen things, and I mean really, a lot of things. Taiji being one such thing. Haha, I'll never regard it as an elderly sport anymore. never.

There is....really so much that I can thank you for, and as much that I need to apologise to you for. I could only use one excuse: I am not a perfect person, and I am not, honestly, and I do make mistakes, a lot of mistakes, which is also some things that I do regret this year. But bygones be bygones eh? I do look forward to next year when things can all be back on track once more eh? And I will strive to make that happen.

I really had a great time hanging out with you. And I have to say, you have greatly improved my knowledge about wushu and sports science. haha. Some stuff that you pointed out about me was right (though not all), and I have finally seen how negative it impacts, thanks so much, it does help me in the future.

Gladys, you had been a close friend to me and I'm sure I had been to you as well. I truly hope this will ensue. And congratulations on achieving an international medal earlier this year, and thanks for sharing the good news with me firsthand too. Thank you, thank you, though I still feel that I owe you a word of thanks, or an apology too little.

Rachel
Yes, Rachel Lam. You are on my list. xD Also thank you for listening to me at times and giving me support at times. In comparison, I truly felt that I had done much lesser. But thank you anyways for chatting with me and being an awesome group mate. You know, whenever you are absent during the JABAR times, the whole group really gets much quieter. But yes, another thing I regret is that I didn't try to help you as much in your homework to repay you, hope I still have the chance to do so in the future.

Jolene and Weeqin
I admit I haven't really talked much to Weeqin this year, maybe more to Jolene (as you always seemed to be in my group, haha) But one thing I do remember: Whenever I wrote my heart out in the blog due to some upsetting events that occured, you two had tried to talk to me and ask if I'm alright. This seemingly simple gesture of concern is in fact, very encouraging to me. Though I'd just shrug it off and say I'm alright, I'll never forget those 4 simple words said by you. And for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Jerrell, Abdullah and Gang
Haha, you guys are awesome company. I just wish i knew and hanged out with you guys earlier. That would be so much more fun. In fact, even though I only started hanging out with you guys near the end of the year, I had so much fun it is comparable to the total amount of fun i had in sec sch. Rock on dudes!

That's all for now.

Things change...

2009-12-11T23:54:00.003+08:00

As we grow up, there are more things in life that we start to appreciate, and some things that we start to forgo. Perhaps grow out of it? Like some say. But of course, you can never truly grow out of it, for deep within everyone lives a child, a playful spirit that will never mature. Well, I notice that I start to not take as much interest as I used to in video games anymore and instead I start to enjoy hanging out with my friends more. Yes, even if its just prancer and me, playing table tennis or badminton or working out at the gym. I seemed to enjoy this more than playing wolfteam. Or hanging out with Jerrell and company. But of course, I still enjoy playing wolfteam or my xbox360, just maybe not as much. I wonder if this is permanent?

question

2009-11-17T00:54:00.002+08:00

Do friendships have an expiry date?

cycle of problems

2009-11-17T00:18:00.003+08:00

When you discover that even when you try to be the best, you can't be the best...
When you discover that even though you want something to happen really bad, but it still won't..
When you discover that all that you work hard for had not paid off well...
When you discover that nothing in this world can be everything....
When you discover that some things are just too late to salvage...

Then you start to wonder where did it went wrong? Did I not put in enough effort? Was i just not good enough? Is it that time has just been cruel? And it all just pumps up and goes into your head. But somewhere did inside, you seemed to know the truth, the truth of why did it not go your way. But then you decided that it was just a speculation and so you stick to the other more obvious excuses.

Unable to face the truth

Time passes...Then the urgency of the problem starts to dissolve and everything suddenly seems bearable. But deep inside, you know it hurts, for the problem has not been solved yet, just that you decided that it can't be solved and so you put it aside. And the problems just accumulates, as more and more issues sprung up. Depression and self criticism sets in, and you are robbed of your laughter and your smile. Why dint i do better? I could have done so... And your mind gets consumed by the blaming and you fall into deep slumber. The next day you woke up, and the problem is still there, except now it doesn't seem to be staring right at your face anymore.

All of these things...I find that I can never be first in those things. Always, I have been second.

But

that does not stop me from there, for i will forever work hard to strive to be the first in everything. Even though i might fail time and again, I might never in my life time, truimph it, but I will still strive for it. When you set your mind to it, nothing in this world can stop you.

Love

2009-10-22T17:06:00.002+08:00

While passing through the many stages of life, we will come to love many people. It need not all be in the form of romantic love, but we will still come to like them, form bonds and ultimately love them. It is all human nature. This person, or rather many people, could be your friends or families or spouse.

Ever heard of the phrase "I love you, but i am not in love with you." ? It comes to the point when self-interests and benefits is no longer important or relevant. What you wish is for the person you love to stay happy and be in good health. A return equal to that of what you give is no longer required, for you believe that it will be returned in time, in kind.

We will come to love many, for they make up part of our life. We love them for who they are. Yet the nature of love is free and is never binding. For love is just like a sparrow, it sings to the heart and its all around us. It is never meant to be captured, yet so many, often tried to enclose it within bars, to make sure it has no chance to leave their sight. Yet no one can change the nature of love, its liberty and freedom. Love will stay if it is meant to.

Some take love to solely mean romantic love. Yet, you always hear phrases such as: I love you as a friend/or I love you, child/Love your enemies as you would love yourself. Is that not love too? Yes it is, love does indeed comes in many forms. Romantic love just requires more passion, committment and intimacy between two parties...

As life goes on, I do come to recognize individuals which i feel strongly towards. Perhaps at some point in my life, I just came to love them, they way they are and come to be concerned and involved in their life. Of course, with the short amount of daylights I had seen in my fifteen years of life, I am sure I will come to love many more. Yet for them now, these feelings, them, I do cherish. Love is a kind of bond, a feeling perhaps, that is something like gravity. Its hard to eliminate it, and even if you destroy its very core, the force of attraction of its remnants is still there and continues to bind you.

nostalgic music made me feel this way

2009-10-04T13:04:00.000+08:00

It's so much easier to hold on than to let go...

披着羊皮的狼

2009-10-03T13:20:00.024+08:00

________________披着羊皮的狼________________

If there is anything I had learnt from the past, it'll be this:

-Live your life the way you want to. There is no need to hide, no need for a mask.
-In the end, YOU are the one that is going to matter to you.
-You dont need to live for others, they can take care of themselves.
-Apologize if you are in the wrong, if not, there is no need to.
-If there is anything that you want to do, do it for yourself, if not, do it because you want to and expect no returns.
-You cannot please the whole crowd, so the least you can do is please yourself and leave no regrets.
-Others can judge, others can criticize, but they'll be much more busy dealing with their own problems.
-Yet there is a need to consider every constructive line of criticism They are a gift to help you improve yourself. You can feel put down by it, but ultimately, you are the one making yourself suffer, look beyond, regardless of their intentions, at least it helped. And I am genuinely grateful for those who gave me this gift.
-But, what others say of you might not necessarily be you. You are you, regardless of how others perceive you, if their criticism is untrue, just accept it. But there must be some reason to spark it off, it'll be interesting to find out.
-I am my own master
-I dont live for approvals
-You can compromise, but dont put others' needs before you
-Others dont decide how you behave, what you say. This is a democratic society, I say what I want to say, as long as it is not out of spite.
-Expectations often leads to disappointment. So there is really no need to expect. I give because I want to, and not because I'm looking for returns.
-Stroll along the path of life-- there's really so much to appreciate
-I trust myself and my judgement
-I know my own goals and dreams, and i will strive to achieve them.
-I know who I am, and I am proud of myself.
-Sometimes, there is no need to consider too much. Just be decisive and make up your mind and stick with it.

Above all, Live a Carefree and happy life, dont need to take everything too seriously. But know that 10 years down the road, all the stuff now,(popularity,crushes,maybe even friends,etc....) will no longer matter as much and what you will be left is your certificates and report cards, and what you learnt from all these experiences. They will be the ones that will make a difference. However, when you are at the present, live for the present and live your own life.

Give help because you want to and because others need it, Give praises because you wish to and because you mean it, Give in only because you think that is the right thing to do.

Tell you what, I feel that my whole life is a lie. My core beliefs has been shaken to its very core. All that I have respected, confucianism, mutuality, 以德报怨，舍己为人, all these teachings and core beliefs i held to be a good person, is as good as using ink and brushes from chinese calligraphy to do my homework. They are just china's political strategy to let their people be subjected to the government at that time, at least. 说得难听一点（摘自《狼图腾》），这只是为了让他的自民顺从于当时的朝廷，把他们驯成温顺的羊。而我再也不想追随他们的口中的理想，时代变了，这些根本用不着了。

Despite the fact that I shall abandon all these stupid core beliefs, (the confucianism being one of them) that had eluded me all these years, I still have my own principles to stick to. After all, if you life stand for nothing, how empty that would have felt. I still believe in living with integrity, and I still have my own life principles to follow.

Dont be afraid to admit the mistakes that you may have made. Be strong. Rectify it, move on, and dont fall back to where you had come from.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us
most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and
famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing
small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the
glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us.
And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others.”
--Marianne Williamson

Present future

2009-09-17T22:14:00.002+08:00

There's something called the future and there's something called the present. I had always been planning for the future, thought of everything in advance. Its not a bad thing, I think in advance so that my path would be one that is clearly defined and would be much easier to move to the next stage in life. It all seems to fall into place, one by one, but one thought suddenly stunned me. In the present, I had been planning and preparing for the future. When my future becomes my present, would I still be planning for the future of my future too?

I've been preparing for the course I want to take in university and which one to go. When I reach university, I would probably plan to take up which Master degrees or honour degree course, then when i'm studying my Masters, i'll either be considering my future career or whether to further my studies. Then during my career, i'll be planning to get a girl, then to marriage, then to secure future positions, then to retirement. Endless planning that would be as life is really just moving from one phase to the next.

But this way, would I be missing out on the present? There's so many things happening around me and many interesting things to engage in that may not have an effect on my future, but I still can enjoy it. Life would be meaningless if i'm just planning how to get through it smoothly eh? I still gotta enjoy life to the fullest. The future will come inevitably and I will still prepare for it. But, all and all, I should still consider the present, after all whatever's in the future will be my present soon. I believe I could learn much more by paying more attention to my present now.

Am i Weird?

2009-09-14T19:46:00.006+08:00

Someone told me that I am weird today, so am i really weird? Let's look at the physical aspects: I have a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth...everything a person should have, nothing more and nothing less. Just like everybody else, and weird is to deviate from the norm isn't it? How bout mental aspect? I am mentally sane, and i am capable of throwing tantrums and also control my own emotions just like all of you. So, I'm not that different eh?

Then, what else could it be? Personality or habit-wise? Let me give you the heads up. I can tell you that I am introverted, yes, I am not sociable. I am very self-conscious. I am shy and reserved, I dont talk much. When I speak, I sometimes comment on ideas, society and global events. I value opinions and viewpoints. I listen to others when they are talking to me. I try to be nice to everyone I meet because I dont see the reason why I shouldn't. I like to research on general stuff, just surfing on the net to gain more general knowledge on anything that interests me at the moment. I just want to know more of the world around me. I like philosophy and ideas. I am interested in China's history I like to write poems, I like to play guitar. I listen to american music. I avoid trouble. I try to sympathize with the people around me.

So, knowing this, do you think I am weird? I dont think i am really that different, but well, I know I might be different, but everyone is different. In my opinion, I dont discriminate against anyone because I believe that everyone has their own unique sides. You tell me that I am very different from the people you know and that I am weird. Maybe people around you mostly think less and maybe they dont question the world like I do? Yes, I am introverted and shy, but i dont take it to the extreme, I still talk to friends around me and I dont isolate myself. I dont really see myself as very different from the people around me because I just dont see how very much are they similar to each other and how I deviate so much from them.

You say that I am weird because I research for general knowledge, because I write poems, because in your opinion I am very different from peers of my own age. And I can tell you this: just accept the fact that everyone's different in their own way. Do not look on to me as if I am some kind of alien from another world. I can tell you, I am not weird, I am special, and so is each and every one of you out there. I have my own passions, I have a sport that I enjoy (I enjoy playing table-tennis), I can play a musical instrument, Iam constantly reflecting and trying to improve myself. Everyone out there has their limits and their pride and their niche areas, so do i.

If you tell me that I am weird because I like to gain more general knowledge and because I like to discuss/debate about ideas in general(such as gender differences, whether work makes you happy, whether devotion = good character, just to name a few), and that all your friends are not like that. Either you are telling me that most of your friends really dont try to constantly equip themselves with more knowledge, that they dont question the world, they dont have any interest in knowing more and they have no opinions whatsoever or that they only like to disucss people or themselves, OR perhaps you just dont know them enough.

Weird, to me, is a degratory term. It implies a mysteriously odd and frightening nature. No, I dont accept such a label. Telling someone: "You know? You are very... unique" is mocking enough as it implies someone being one-of-a-kind, a sarcastic though nice way of saying you are weird. I would only accept the notion that everyone is different in their own ways and that we should learn to appreciate and embrace this diversity.

My name is Jasmon. I know who I am and I will not try to be somebody I am not. I will not accept such labels. I will try to be the best that I can be in my own way and I see everyone out there as equals. My peers, they are all similar to me but different in their own ways. No, I will not attempt to change what is part of me that does no harm to others in order to be just like others. After all, the world will be much more dull if everyone is just like everyone else, wouldn't it?

Give me some time...

2009-09-12T00:20:00.002+08:00

Life can be so simple, yet its so hard to keep it simple. I need to walk out of the complexities. I need to get an anchor, an anchor to my past, i'm changing.. or Am i that way from the start? I shall take my first step..

thin ice

2009-09-08T19:43:00.002+08:00

Have you ever heard of something called fair exchange? Like from a money changer, you excahnge to the right value. If you give more than you receive back, you'd feel cheated and angry wont you? If you take more than you give, you'd either feel guilty or nothing or gleeful in fact. But seriously, who would give more than they take and feel happy in the end? Sure, if they are doing charity, but the point is they are not. So people tend to feel this way. That's what happens in real life, in terms of money.

Now i'm going to talk in terms of relationships. Its the same logic really and it can be applied here as well. (When I speak of relationships, I'm not specifying romantic love, it can be friendship or whatever) When party A gives more than party B, party A will feel that party B had not done enough, whereas party B can be a real jerk and feel happy that party A is upset, or he/she may be unaware or guilty. Either way, if its not balanced out, tension will ensue. And this leads many ways. I would say that if party B do not try to give more, party A will break relationships with party B. That should be the most common reason for high school break-ups or even friendships. It can drag, and by its nature it will. But eventually, if one party gives too much while the other does much lesser, it will fall apart but just a matter of time.

Taking friendship for example. Friendship is a mutual give and take. It stresses on equality of individuals and also on similarities between two individuals. Equality is very important here. Not only in status, in fact less so in status and background, but more on how you perceive each other and how much is given and taken. You wouldn't want to be a friend with someone who ignores you and is unfriendly to you, would you? But you would befriend someone with similar qualities as you and is at least as friendly as you are to him/her. While not all strong friendships has equality in give and take, the equality in the give and take is the key to long lasting friendships. An imbalance will upset one of the parties eventually, leading to fights or worse, break-ups.

Some say giving makes you happy. While others have quoted that friendship is giving without expecting return, (which sounds like unrequited love) I think it is really a matter of perspective. Giving too much without taking back any is an act of folly, while taking too much without giving is dislikable in my opinion too. But of course, when there are extremes, its best to fall in between. that's the ideal of course.

I am aware

2009-09-08T18:18:00.003+08:00

Ya noe, I have been telling myself, life now is great. I should enjoy it while it lasts, or it will be gone. Its not like everyone can enter VJC, a gangster free environment where I can study and make full use of my knowledge and skills.

But when I am AT it, its just so hard to appreciate. I get bored, I feel like sleeping, I get depressed, I get hurt, and all those things. Then when I look back: just a few months ago, god, I miss those days.. Those days that were but a few months passed! And I can already appreciate the difference from then and now.

But seriously, I've learnt much since the last few months, and i've fallen into that traphole that everyone seems to fall into at some point in their life. But now I've walked out of it, miserable, but stronger nonetheless. I better be careful about what grounds I tread upon next time. Its like chickenpox eh? Its better to get it when you're young, aint gonna hurt as much as compared to getting it when you are older. (I had mine when i was six) Over time, it'll fade away. But the good thing is, now you've gained some immunity to it! and the chances of getting it the second time will be much slimmer, though it doesn't mean you wont get it the second time...whew, but I dont think it left any scars. Did it?

Well, back to square one. Not exactly I guess, Progress I've made! or damages i've done...but certainly is a relief anyway.

Its really interesting. Everybody in this world does have an interesting story to share and yes, let's try to look at the brighter side for once. I guess I've been too tense all these while and there is something holding me back all these while. Now i'm freed of the chains. I dont deny that I am rather shy, reserved, quiet, whatever you call me, cautious? haha and I am that and many more.

A person can be so very complex. If action defines character, and thought causes action, then wouldn't we be able to change our character every time we have different thoughts? As people usually says someone is what and what because of his or her action. and by changing our minds, we can have different actions, having significantly varied outcomes. You can say he/she is faking it, but what do you know what's on his/her mind? For all you know, there can be many thoughts passing his/her minds and many contradicting reasons for his/her actions which could cause contradicting qualities attributed to his/her character.

Perhaps Character is not really such a stringent structure, I see it as much more fluid. One's perceived character can be altered with just an instant of thought. I know of people who would call me matured and quiet, and people who would call me childish and talkative. That would be hard to help me define my character, wont it? So, maybe the best way to be yourself, is just to be sure that you feel comfortable with doing whatever you are doing and make sure that you do not display negative qualities. Positive/neutral qualities which you are most comfortable with. That's the best.

And if possible, please tag my tagboard yea? It hasn't been alive for a long while. What goes around, comes around, ya noe what i mean XD

Another path...

2009-08-29T00:12:00.003+08:00

Its a new start. Its a new beginning...You know, I had a friend who once told me: "Jasmon, when you've made a choice, go for it. I know how you feel at this very moment, I've wavered too when I was in your position. If you feel like backing out at this moment, think back at the very start, why have you even made that decision? You know you want it, so go for it. I'm telling you from experience, that after you done it, you will not regret it." and i went for it.

Yet, I've regretted it. But, if it hadn't turned out this way in the end, it looks like i'd have a greater regret. I've conveniently ignored all the possible risks and outcomes of the decision. But, Life has been good to me indeed. For after that, it had guided me, swerved away from the down-spiralling path i was about to undertake, allievated my anguish with positive events and set my mind to greater goals.

It takes some time of getting used to, but i will be able to get through it all, i'm sure. Its time to think about greater things, so many things I used to ponder about, questions about almost everything. yet my sight had been narrowed so much that even my mind had been crammed to look only at it. Nevermind, all will change, not exactly change back, I haven't really took a big step out to change into another form and anyway we are all changing constantly, shaped by our environment. But I will have a much more open mind and appreciate the world at large. There's so much more that Life could offer and only so much time i could afford.

If you have taken a wrong step in life, take a step back to look at the world around you. Then turn and walk down another path.

I'm Movin on

2009-08-23T08:40:00.006+08:00

Sometimes, it had all seemed like a dream to me. It was a dream, indeed, that never came true. That the many promises i made to myself had to be broken,since there is no significance in keeping them anymore. It's best to resign than to get fired when you know you are leaving the company for good anyway.

It was like coming across a big sack of things lying in front of me and I was wondering if i could pick it up. I was tempted to find out what's in it and I wish to carry it with me. But it looked so great and heavy, I was afraid I'd not be able to pick it up. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, contemplating whether to try to pick it up. I did many preparations for the day of trying out, went great distances to gauge my own strength. I know that if i carry it with me, it'll be much harder for my journey from now on as it would be another burden, but the journey will be rewarding. or I could just leave it there and move on. Either way I know that I can still walk on, and I just have to try. At least i'll still get to continue from here and not stop in the middle of nowhere. I tried, it wouldn't budge, I moved on.

I've found my answer. How sweet indeed the illusions, but it was not for me to judge. There is no point in holding on. Let it be an ugly scar, but not a mortal wound. There are many more things in life worth my time and effort as well.

It was not easy. It was like throwing money into the a wishing well. No matter how much money you threw, you knew it was not gonna work, but somehow it just feels better this way, at least there's still hope. and the cold harsh truth of reality just crashed down on me. Face it, there's nowhere to hide anyway.

I still have my self-worth. I still believe in my own strengths and I will keep improving myself. No, I have greater dreams and I will succeed. There are no limits to dreams, yet I will twist it to reality. To work to that, I need to focus on my studies. I dont blame anyone, no. I believe in fate, I believe in destiny, and deep inside, I believe in someone far greater watching over me. The path had already been laid out for me and it is all for the best for me. Perhaps I have been fated to go through all these to find out just how much I could lose and how much I am losing if i dont pull out as soon. I've lost so much already. But its not too late yet, I have neglected too much and now, I will fight to get it back. Somwhere somehow I know, the snow is whiter,the grass is greener and the fruits sweeter.I will get there.

It has been for too long. If its all for nothing, if its worth nothing, then let it be nothing. Perhaps someday you'll learn what its worth. I've let it go, I've moved on, and this time, there is no turning back for me.

I know now

2009-07-28T21:00:00.004+08:00

I know my targets and goals now.
I know what I want in my VJC school life.
I know where I stand amongst the students now.
I know what I want to achieve.
I know what I will do to accomplish.
I know my feelings now.
I know how far I would go.
I know what to do.

but

I know not yet, how long this will stay true
I know not yet, how this will all turn out

yet

I know that I have the confidence that all will turn out fine

The dust has settled down to the corners
The wind has stilled its restless whispers
O! Pray for the day and bless for the night
then snug in to bed til the waking hours of light.

Looking back and Walking forth

2009-07-27T21:45:00.008+08:00

Its been quite some time now. I think I had already more or less gotten used to the life here in VJC. It hadn't been a wrong decision to leave chung cheng, I really enjoy my teenagehood now. There's many things that I've learnt, many changes in my life.

Looking back now, i'd think to myself, Hey! Its not that bad, I am indeed fortunate to make it this far. All my years i spent in xinmin, the great teachers I've met that inspired me, my friends, especially Prancer, who had been through thick and thin with me. Really, thank you man, you've been a great pal, always there for me and always so cheerful. You always make me feel younger when i'm with you. younger and more vibrant, haha, in fact i feel just like a child. The memories i had with you, going to your house to play halo during holidays, playing wolfteam or gunbound through the night or just spending the night talking about our separate lives. I do appreciate it, in fact i do enjoy your company. It is truly not easy, we have known each other for since more than half our lifetime up until now. Just know that i'll be there for you whenever you need me man, anytime...

Then to part and move on to secondary school. It was indeed a big jump, from primary school to secondary school, much of the environment i couldn't get used to. But I still liked chung cheng, because of the chinese-like atmosphere. Suits me. And I'm glad that I'm able to sit with you, gerontius, during our first sitting arrangement. Haha, the two of us, though we seldom talk during class, as we were both busy studying and listening to teacher and that we did not want to distract each other. haha and all the conversations I had with you, you are a good man indeed. We had been through chung cheng together, and i'm glad we are both here now in vjc. It had been a pleasure spending time with you. and thank you for being understanding, in many ways, so many times. I owe you one, no much more than that man. I know you, I think i do understand you as how you understand me. I always had wanted to sit down with you and have a good chat about how much i think i know you but everytime words just seemed to dissolve and it felt as if i dont really need to speak it out, we know already in our hearts, and we can just chat about any other casual stuff. Thank you as well..

Then to Gladys, there is a much that I would like to say to you, not half that I've already said. I'm sure you know, but that can wait eh? Thank you too, for various reasons and many more...you'll find out in due time. I dont think its a good idea to blog much about it now. lol. But to add on,I think You really have a Beautiful smile. (:

There is so much more I could look forward to. Life seems much broader now, and I can enjoy and see things that I wasn't able to before. Looking forth, I see a great sun shining down a great many paths that leads to areas I do not know for sure yet. But I do see one path, brightly illuminated by the sun, beckoning me to follow to the end, no matter the dangers that lie ahead. and I know, that this is the path that I should undertake and I will, walk to the end no matter what. I do not fear the dangers along, I do not fear I have not the strength to walk to the end(for I know I can), I only wish my sun, my dearest sun would forever be there to illuminate the path for me, to show me the way to wherever it will lead to...Move forth, I will.

So let not the rough wind tear it down, for always after a downpour, the air be fresher and the wind be gentler, the land be at peace. Feel the calmness of the wind, let it embrace you and carry you away to a safe haven, away. To a land with firm ground to step on and beauty of nature surround thus. You do not have to wait a century for a storm to pass, as when it is over, the wind will come to lift you away. So take a step back, look up, close your eyes and open your arms, allow the wind to carry you far, far away...

Loonnnggg quiz

2009-07-14T21:34:00.006+08:00

Ripped from one of Glynis's friend's blog. So here it goes:

WRITE THE NAMES OF 21 FRIENDS YOU CAN THINK OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD, AND THEN ANSWER THE QUESTIONS. SAY YOU’RE GUESSING IF YOU DON’T KNOW, BUT AT LEAST GUESS ON ALL OF THEM. AFTER DOING THIS, TAG YOUR 21 FRIENDS TO DO THE SAME.

1.Gladys
2.Rachel
3.Clarissa
4.Abdullah Afandy
5.Si hui
6.Wen ji
7.Jerrell
8.Adam
9.Wee qin
10.Linh
11.Prancer
12.Jolene
13.Nicole
14.Tessa
15.Andrew
16.Bella
17.Gareth
18.Vanessa
19.Miss Sandhya
20.Sabrina
21.Gerontius

*HOW DID YOU MEET 7?
(Jerrell) Met him through VIP xD
*WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU AND 15 HAD NEVER MET?
(Andrew) awww.... I'd probably be quite lonely at the start of the year.
*WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF 20 AND 13 DATED?
(Sabrina and Nicole) hahaha. then si hui will date gareth.
*HAVE YOU EVER SEEN 17 CRY?
(Gareth) like really crying? nope
*WOULD 4 AND 16 MAKE A GOOD COUPLE?
(Abdullah and Bella) haha. i'm not racist. :x
*DO YOU WANT TO BE 13'S FRIEND FOREVER?
(Nicole) Of course. I'd love to, i'll have someone to listen to everyday. who wouldn't like that?
*DO YOU THINK 11 IS ATTRACTIVE?
(Prancer) haha. Yeap. Very.
*WHAT’S 5’S FAVORITE COLOR?
(Si hui) LOL Red?
*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO 9?
(Wee qin) A few hours ago :)
*WHAT LANGUAGE DOES 8 SPEAK??
(Adam) uhh.. english and tamil?
*WHO IS 13 GOING OUT WITH?
(Nicole) lol. heard it was ralph.
*WHAT GRADE IS 16 IN?
(Bella)First grade xD
*WOULD YOU EVER DATE 17?
(Gareth) Sure. I'd like that.
*WHERE DOES 12 LIVE?
(Jolene) uhhh... Ang mo kio avenue...3?
*WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT 4?
(Abdullah) He can stay up real late at night and chat with me :)
*WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL 10 RIGHT NOW?!!
(linh) HI LINH!
*WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT 20?
(Sabrina) Her surname~ kirk. hahahah model answer :)
*HAVE YOU EVER KISSED 2?
(Rachel)lol, you want me get beaten up by someone issit?
*WHAT’S THE BEST MEMORY YOU HAVE OF 5?
(Si Hui) Sihui putting his hands on his head, opening his eyes and mouth, making that high pitch voice. xD
*WHEN’S THE NEXT TIME YOU’RE GOING TO SEE 4?
(Abdullah) tomorrow
*HOW IS 7 DIFFERENT FROM 6?
(Jerrell and Wenji)height? weight? specialty? gotta ask rachel..
*IS 1 PRETTY?
(Gladys) Absolutely =D
*WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION OF 15!
(Andrew) He looks friendly
*HOW DID YOU MEET 3?
(Clarissa)in chung cheng. she was in my group for quite a lot of times
*IS 21 YOUR BEST FRIEND?
(Gerontius) yes yes!
*DO YOU HATE 12?
(Jolene) of course not! I heart you. XD ok just jk
*HAVE YOU SEEN 18 IN THE LAST MONTH?
(Vanessa) Yea, in the last few hours bah
*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW 16?
(Bella) about the same as number 18?
*HAVE YOU BEEN TO 5’S HOUSE?
(Sihui) Would love to. where he live arh?
*WHEN’S THE NEXT TIME YOU’LL SEE 10?
(linh) tomorrow :)
*ARE YOU CLOSE TO 1?
(Gladys)Yeah. We are bah. :D
*HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE MOVIES WITH 4?
(Abdullah Afandy) got, of course got
*HAVE YOU GOTTEN IN TROUBLE WITH 8?
(Adam) Nah, adam's a nice guy.
*WOULD YOU GIVE 19 A HUG?
(Miss Sandhya) o.o, uhhh lol. Of course, it'll be so comfortable XD
*WHEN HAVE YOU LIED TO 3?
(Clarissa) Never.
*IS 11 GOOD AT SOCIALIZING?
(Prancer) From his accounts, very good.
*DO YOU KNOW A SECRET ABOUT 8?
(Adam) no, he wouldn't tell me :(
*DESCRIBE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN 12 AND 18.
(Jolene and Vanessa) They are good friends?
*WHAT’S THE BEST THING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH 9?
(Wee qin) haha I get to keep abdullah close too :)
*WHAT’S THE WORST THING ABOUT 6?
(Wenji)He's hairy. o.o ok i dont really know. again...rachel...need your help to clarify
*HAVE YOU HAD A CRUSH ON 12?
(Jolene) haha. nah.
*HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN 2?
(Rachel) Ever since IPO lor.
*HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A FIGHT WITH 13?
(nicole) nope.
*DOES 11 HAVE A BF/GF?
(Prancer) dont have.
*HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO PUNCH 1 IN THE FACE?
(Gladys) o.o NO. I'll never do that to her, not even the thought...
*HAS 21 MET YOUR MOTHER?
(Gerontius) haha. yeap, how's my momma geron? Pretty? xD
*HOW DID YOU MEET 14?
(Tessa) I met her in IPO again..same qns
*DID YOU EVER ACCIDENTALLY PHYSICALLY HURT 3?
(Clarissa) Nah, never had any body contact, i think...
*DO YOU LIVE CLOSE TO 7?
(Jerrell) I dont know. But I dont think so.
*WHAT IS 1’S FAVORITE FOOD?
(Gladys) uhh well...sashimi?fishes,chicken,beef,pork,but not mutton or any weird meat, then all those fruits and vegetables....ahh Bitter gourd! and provided they are all not spicy xD
*WHAT KIND OF CAR DOES 2 HAVE?
(Rachel) LOL. Dont know leh.
*HAVE YOU TRAVELED ANYWHERE WITH 21?
(Gerontius) I travelled with him to malacca and Chongqing :) and around singapore
*IF YOU GAVE 1 $100, WHAT WOULD THEY SPEND IT ON?
(Gladys) food, food, food, food, food, clothes? lol

Exams over

2009-07-12T17:35:00.002+08:00

Well. Exams are over finally. Just gonna wait for the results. sian.. screwed up math sia, why the qns so difficult... I'm afraid i'll pass by a few marks nia or worse, fail. then haiz, 12% sia, dont want my position to drop too far sia. haha. hopefully all would turn out well. yeap:)

Haha since exams over, I have more time le. shall pursue more interests now, expand my creativity! xDD omg. still got japanese...jap test...haizz.. yea...i'll post a poem soon.

quizzes

2009-07-01T22:30:00.001+08:00

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Very High
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	High
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	High

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

You Are: 50% Dog, 50% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog.
You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful.
And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

http://www.blogthings.com/areyoumorecatordogquiz/">Are You More Cat or Dog?

You Are 86% Thankful

You're an incredibly thankful person, and everyone around you feels very appreciated.

You inspire people to be more optimistic, forgiving, and grateful.

How Thankful Are You?

You Belong in Spring

Optimistic, lively, and almost always happy with the world...

You can truly appreciate the blooming nature of spring.

Whether you're planting flowers or dyeing Easter eggs, spring is definitely your season!

What Season Are You?

You Act Like You Are 26 Years Old

You are a twenty-something at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life.

You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up.

The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Personality is the Rarest (INFJ)

Your personality type is introspective, principled, self critical, and sensitive.

Only about 2% of all people have your personality - including 3% of all women and around 1% of all men.

You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Your Pride Quotient: 39%

You're a little prideful, but nothing out of the norm.

Like everyone, you enjoy attention. But you're also good at sharing the spotlight!

How Much Pride Do You Have?

You Are 76% Good

You are a good person. You do the best you can to be ethical, fair, and moral.

And as you know, being a good person means making hard decisions... and following them through.

If you're confronted with an ethical dilemma, you will usually do the right thing.

Of course you do slip up. No one's perfect. But you do your best to correct your missteps.

You are also probably: incredibly honest, especially with yourself

Right now you are on track to being: A respected leader

To be a better person: Be kind to someone who is not very kind to you

How Good Are You?

You Need Some Green in Your Life

Green will make you feel alive, renewed, and balanced.

And with a little green, you will project an aura of peacefulness and harmony.

If you want stability, you've got to get a little green in your life!

For extra punch: Combine green with blue or purple

The downside of green: It can promote jealousy in yourself or others

The consequences of more green in your life:

You will be drawn to a new life path

You will feel free to pursue new ideas and interests, no matter how strange

You will be released from the demands and concerns of others

What Color Do You Need?

You Are 76% Open Minded

You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out!

Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand.

You don't have a judgmental bone in your body, and you're very accepting.

You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

You are Honest, Loyal, Humble and Tolerant

Loyalty:

You value loyalty highly.

You're completely devoted to your friends and family.

Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them.

Just make sure they're equally loyal to you!

Honesty:

You value honesty a fair amount.

You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.

If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.

In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."

Generosity:

You don't really value generosity.

Your needs always come first, no matter what.

And you'll possibly help someone else out...

But only if it helps you in return.

Humility:

You value humility highly.

You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are.

And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better.

You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low.

Tolerance:

You value tolerance a fair amount.

You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas.

You have very few prejudices that you're aware of.

And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

You Are Occasionally a Narcissist

While you have healthy self esteem, you're really not that full of yourself.

Compared to most people, you're quite humble!

Though occasionally, you can't help and reflect on how great you are.

There's nothing wrong with being proud of yourself - as long as you don't let it go to your head!

Are You a Narcissist?

You Should Paint Your Room Green

Natural and balance, green can bring both calm and growth to your life.

Your green room will promote a more spiritual and peaceful outlook.

Green rooms are perfect for meditation, yoga, or just day dreaming.

What Color Should You Paint Your Room?

Quiz

2009-06-26T15:12:00.002+08:00

Haha. feeling kinda bored right now. Ripped a quiz from some guy's blog while random blog reading. xD I suppose is the name 10 friends thing. Hmm...

1)Gladys
2)Jolene
3)Gerontius
4)Adam
5)Abdullah
6)Weeqin
7)Clarissa
8)Nicole
9)Si hui
10)Jerrell

17.) Who is 6 having a relationship with ? (weeqin) aaa.... I dont really know I guess...
18.) Is 9 a male or female ? (Prancer) ask him
19.) If 7 and 10 were together, would it be a good thing ? (Clarissa and Jerrell) LOL. Not so bad I guess. I mean, it'll be great :)
20.) What is 2 studying at the moment ? (Jolene) Not sure. She seems to be studying quite hard.
21.) When was the last time you had a chat with 3 ? (Gerontius) a few days ago? =D
22.) What kind of music does 8 like ? (Nicole) fish and crap music?
23.) Does 1 have any siblings ? (Gladys) One younger sister
24.) Will you woo number 3? (Gerontius) sure, if he changes sex. xD
25.) How about 7 ? (Clarissa) what about clarissa? :X
26.) Is 4 single ? (Adam) I think so
27.) What's the surname of 5 ? (abdullah) omg. Afandy? or bin Khairuldin?
28.) What's the hobby of 5 ? (Abdullah) playing with Jerrell?
29.) Do 5 and 9 get along well ? (Abdullah and Sihui) Very well I guess.
30.) Where is 2 studying at ? (Jolene) VJC!
31.) Say something casual about your eyes . they are deep eh?
32.) Have you tried developing feelings for 5 ? (Abdullah) Tried and failed miserably.
33.) What colours does 4 like ? (Adam) Dont know. Black?
34.) Are 5 and 1 good friends ? (Gladys and Abdullah) I guess.
35.) Does 7 like 2 ? (Clarissa like jolene) I think they do get along well.
36.) How did you get to know 2 ? (Jolene) fate.
37.) Does 1 have any pets ? (Gladys) once had a dog. But gave it away because her exams are near. so now, not really. haha
38.) Is 7 the sexiest person in the world ? (Clarissa) haha. Yea :)
39.) How is 4 related to you ? (Adam) Good Friend
40.)Describe 4 . He's an indian and a muslim

Quotes

2009-06-20T14:34:00.003+08:00

Whatever that does not kill me make me

stronger

--Friedrich Nietzsche

First cut

2009-06-19T17:58:00.006+08:00

Setbacks are just a part of life, I guess. We can never expect life to heed our way, everytime. I could always, always could, get up to fight, after the setback, get back to them even stronger still. For it has always been anger, anger that brings forth hatred, and hatred to power to numb all feelings and direct the energy to do something else. Setbacks are just my motivators.

So much more to do..Such a long way to go...No, I will not give up yet. Failure was never an option in life? No. They are not. Fail once, go to the bottom, stay down there. And that is what you will be, a failure in life. No, you can never ever fail. Never give up = Never fail? Not so easy in life. You can never give up, and still fail, and that is what you will still be, a failure. The world cares about its outcome, not its process. To succeed, you will still have to work for it, with a lot of luck on your side. Failure is still a process that will lead to success.

Like how a great thinker, Friedrich Nietzsche , once put it: "What is good? All that enhances the feeling of power, the Will to Power, and the power itself in man. What is bad? All that proceeds from weakness. What is happiness? The feeling that power is increasing--that resistance has been overcome. Not contentment, but more power; not peace at any price, but war; not virtue, but competence. The first principle of our humanism: The weak and the failures shall perish. They ought even to be helped to perish."

Yes, the fight, is still in me, I will not falter, I control my mind, my emotions. And I will be strong, strong for my friends, for myself. No, I will not show my feelings, not in front of my friends, I will be strong, numb. I will take it all back in review test. ALL. There is nothing to lose now, I have already lost this much. But I will conquer this, I will Never give up. I will get it back in my review test, and I will also overcome this obstacle, NOT by forgetting it.I Will not give up, not on anything yet, its still too early. I WILL MAKE SURE NOTHING GOES WRONG THIS TIME, I WILL NOT GIVE UP!

Cross-roads

2009-06-10T20:05:00.004+08:00

Where am I? Lost
in this valley of despair
Is there no one out there
wandering in my path to cross

Where can this lead to? Nowhere
in this world can I find a safe haven
Could this place be hell or heaven
for lost souls in search of a passing lair

Have I made a wrong move? Perhaps
I should have treaded more slowly
or thought about it more carefully
before stepping into this valley of despair

A path, in front of me, set out to greatness
but the darkness all around me, surrounded
and the valley darkens, sounds of desolateness
echoes amongst the trees, the path had been covered

Once, but no one ever made it to the light
Oh, should I undertake this path
and risk losing all? Enough.
I have suffered enough circling in my plight.

Perhaps I should give up and wait it out
or turn back to where I've come from
but have i gone too far to salvage my wrongs
too late to turn back now.

What can I do?
Where have you gone?
Who can I turn to?
I am alone.

The Lady of the North

2009-05-31T00:33:00.007+08:00

Deep down in the Frozen north, anything is possible. Ice, black ice, are all around her. white ice, dyed black by the baleful night. She is alone, alone in the frozen north, wandering with a pink scarf around her neck. No one is with her, not even her shadow, for no drop of sunshine can be traced in this wasteland. This wasteland, barren, souless, the dread of wanderers. Around, the darkness consumed her, though but not her soul. The night is cold, but not unbearable. The air is still and dense. Silence all around her.

Step by step she walked past the icy mountains, leaving her footprints unchecked. There is no one around her, no creatures, nothing. The place is devoid of life. She crossed her arms and held on to herself once more. Who else can she depend on to walk out of this hellish place other than herself?

Footsteps after Footsteps, a never ending journey of mind torture. Alas, she could take it no more. Putting her hands to her face, she cried. An endless stream of tears flowed out and chilled in the icy night. The mountains echoed her sorrow but there is no reply from the darkness and silence. She cried, for herself, for the once starry sky, and for the roses in her backyard. Oh, those red, red roses.

The air grew thinner and the darkness fades. Warmth. She looked up. Rays of beautiful lights danced across the sky, wavy lines of green, red, white, in a splendid twist of shapes. Her face reflect of the beauty in front of her and the joy, the joy of seeing the blazing lights. But the light from her pupils fade, slowly, back into darkness once again. From afar, A bone-piercing breeze blew from the north.

She resolved her will and trudged on. But she could not put her mind at rest, her thoughts are racing through her head.Stopping, she took out the heart-shaped pendant hanging around her neck and placed it in her hands. She opened it. Within it, a photo of her family, all three of them with smiles all over their faces. She smiled through her scarf. Closing it, she put the pendant around her neck once more and smiled, a flicker of light in her eyes. Then, she fixed her gaze on the far north and continued her journey.

The Loner's Path

2009-05-26T18:24:00.005+08:00

I tread along this lonely road ,
which leads to a land that no one knows .
Somewhere afar, the tearing wind blows
and I am stuck on this lonely road

I stroll along this lonely road ,
and gaze upon the setting sun .
The basking heat renders my mind blunt
down along the lonely road.

I march along this lonely road ,
where the sands and motes dance along
upon each step that I thrust upon
the feeble surface of the lonely road.

I trudge along this lonely road ,
for O my heart's too weary,
for this long and fruitless journey
and the sun sets upon the lonely road

Its just so perfect now.

2009-05-20T23:07:00.002+08:00

Just a few weeks ago, I was so depressed and sad. Everything doesn't seemed to be working out. The future looked bleak, I thought all aspects of my life that i invested in are going to fail. I just broke down. It was one of the loneliest, harshest days of my school life.and I thought I couldn't pull through. I needed to talk, talk to someone,but no one, no chance, for me to do so.

Then in one weeks time, everything changes. Everything just seemed so perfect now. I had aced in studies, I'm sl in my cca, I have found myself, the role I shall play, I had fostered another strong friendship. All that I worked for, all that i could ever wished for, is here. However, everything comes at a price of course. I could only wish that all the price had been paid already in the hardships that I faced, the tears I had wept along the way.

Yes, I do know it will be hard to maintain. I would not foolishly sit back and wish that I could ace again with ease. It had definitely been due to my friends' encouragements through all the dark times, their competitiveness and their help that I can pull it off this time around. For that, I thank them, from the bottom of my heart.

I would not be upset even if I do lose the ace the next time around. But I will still put in my best effort to attain my goals. As usual, gerontius, let us compete once again. I thank you for being such a caring friend and strong competitor. It had been this sense of competition that motivates me to work hard. I hope I motivate you too.

There are still many days ahead of us. As we all work hard to improve and strive for the best, we will help each other in improving. Grades are not as important as what we learnt. There is so much more out there than results, I just realised. I shall work hard on each of them to meet my goals. Nil Sine Labore!

G.E

2009-05-18T01:32:00.002+08:00

Guitar Concert in just a week away. omg omg. i'm so nervous about it. I haven't really tried playing in a concert before. Its gonna be my first time. But even though i can already play all my pieces by heart and I can play it perfectly in free strokes. I cannot play it in rest strokes....And teacher keep asking me to play rest strokes. but all these years i have been playing my solo pieces in free strokes. How do i play it in rest strokes now? I can't change in fast enough, i might hit other strings. And i lost my nail for tremolo. omg. shucks and i sit in front.omg, ahh.. Hopefully everything will work out.

Rock on, Guitar Ensemble.

From this day on

2009-05-10T16:13:00.002+08:00

I vow to be true to myself and to others as well.

Reflection

2009-05-09T15:50:00.005+08:00

My life had been one of self-reflection. You could say that reflecting had become one of my past times, one that I do when i am mentally free. I used to think, and reflect whatever that comes into my mind, when i'm walking, showering, sitting. I always thought I should write it down somewhere, or jot it down, so that I could reflect upon it 20 years from now. My thoughts, my reflections, my life. But i always couldn't find time for it.

Yet reflection is so important. I remember stumbling upon a quote: "At the end of the day, give yourself a little time to be with yourself, a quiet time to reflect upon the little things you have done." There will always be times when i'm all alone, more often than not, and that is the time i use to reflect, to justify my actions, to reaffirm myself and to think of solutions to the problems I face. And everytime I do so, I gain a new insight on my current stand, and the next step that i should take becomes clearer to me.

To speak to one's soul is not a quirk of nature. For our mind can take up many roles indeed. Answers that we seek need not be found elsewhere, but deep within, if we searched our soul thoroughly, the answer we seek may just arise. When we are confused, do we not ask ourselves questions? Why ask yourself when you dont expect to get an answer from yourself? Sometimes, our inner voice speaks to us, its words echoing through our mind till it reaches our senses, providing an answer to our question. And yet, would you simply accept that answer? No, you would probably question that answer, and again it replies you with an answer to your question and it goes on and on. like a conversation, an exchange of new insights between two distinct entity. This is known as reflection.

Think of this way. You ask yourself a question, and an answer bounces back from the depth of your soul, your wisdom. Does that not seem like a reflection?

Even poems are a reflection of life. My poems, the ones i wrote at least, reflects upon my life, whether it is an actual event or just a state of mind. They are not thought of out of nothing, connections I make and the actions that I reflect upon.

Reflections are important, why? It helps you to set a clear goal, it helps you to put your past behind, it helps you to understand your actions, it helps you in life.

On a personal level, it has became part of my life, part of me. So much so that I became calmer and less likely to panic in urgent situations. It also helps me to keep my emotions in check. Well, guess what? You are reading my reflection on reflection right about now.

Piang!

2009-04-23T00:34:00.003+08:00

Here to break the ice a little.

April 22nd 2009, 10.27 a.m.

Incident: Flying object at high speed collided with four fragile panes

Case Status: File Closed

On an ordinary wednesday,

They were playing soccer as usual.

Abdullah walked passed

Si Hui aimed, his eyes fixed on the target

the moving one, then he lifts his leg

swiftly moving towards the ball

his foot touching the bottom of the ball

and lets out his force

The ball struck true and.

This happened :

(shards of broken glass lying in solitude)

(Our hero)

From then on, we became

a much more lively bunch

ready for lessons for the

rest of the day.

Once again, Si hui has saved the day!

Just typing my heart out

2009-04-19T15:25:00.003+08:00

I still remember when i am in Primary 5. A teacher asked me: "Do you want to be somebody other than yourself?" My answer was No. I am proud to be myself. proud, that I am me. Now, it seems like I have jumped to an early conclusion. Perhaps I am so when i am young. Young, so full of myself, having confidence and pride and doing what I enjoy and what I think is right. Yeah, we all enjoy doing what is right, dont we? Classroom dirty? Stay back and sweep. Friend need help? try to help as much. Friend ask me to help him in exams? No,I wont do it. Cheat in exams? Never. Responsibility, Loyalty, Integrity, Perseverance and Graciousness. The five core values of my primary school. All of them, etched into my mind, my heart, my actions. That what I am taught, that is what I believe in.

Primary School life was easy for me. I had my good friends, was a exco prefect, took part in competitions and won, got good grades, was even teacher's pet I guess. Sounds so good to me now. I guess I dint even realise how lucky i was in Primary school. Its easier to see it when you are no longer in it. I used to longed for primary school life when I was in my secondary school.

Secondary School life was easier than now at least. Used to complain how much I have lost from my primary school...Lost my power, my status and friends. I thought I lost everything, until I came to this institution, then i discovered it wasn't so in my secondary school. I was a fool. I did not know then. My life was actually good in secondary school. I lost my power, but I retained a circle of friends, teacher's support, times I know I could truly indulge myself in. The class was bonded back then, more than 90% of the people at least and I truly felt that We are one class. The sense of belonging, loyalty as I would call it. I would go through hell for the class. It was wonderful. And I know, in the class, there is always someone there for me, that I could trust, rely and stick with and that he would mean more than life for me.

VJC. All that was still left back then in my secondary school was....gone here. I do not know what is left, how much is left, what is there for me. Perhaps I should socialise more? No, dint work. I could really find nothing better to say. Sometimes I thought i should say something, but somehow, i felt that is foolish of me to say so, that what I am going to say will only end up in me being a joke, that i should just shut up like if you dont know how to say or what to say, just shut up and keep quiet. It just felt so tense, socially tense, when I'm talking to a group of friends. Maybe its just I'm scared, I really dont know. I was quiet back then in Primary School, never speaking in class as I try to absorb as much as possible in Primary School. Secondary School I could talk more, to the girls' groups, my own group of friends, teachers, whatever. I do talk more. Though usually I would be too tired and just sleep at my desk. Talking was then much easier without needing to worry about affecting the relationships.

For now in VJC, friendship is more important than anything. I would try to achieve as much popularity. But probably also due to this reason, I became cautious, almost self-withdrawn. I am afraid what I say or other actions would drive my image down and lose all my friends. I really do not want to be hated by the class...might as well be a sentence to death. To be an outcast is a horrible thing, I couldn't stand the loneliness though I couldn't say i really welcome much company either. Still, I dont think things have worsen to that state yet. This level of social consciousness had drove me to the brink of smashing my guitar, but i am still waiting, still observing.

I used to give advices to my friends on how to socialise and gain attention. How to do this and that. He thanked me and he did really well. But now, I realise I was the one who needed help. I always thought I could get out of my seclusion anytime I want and that I could talk to anyone I like. But then I realise suddenly it wasn't so easy after all. I needed his help. We spoke. I still decided to let nature take its course. Things would work out by then, I prayed, and hoped, and thought.

I'm not sure if i'm doing this right. For most, I should be a nice and gentle guy, quiet most of the time and would hardly ever scold or mock others. If that's who I am to you, then I am probably doing it right. Actually, anyone can have any characteristics. I believe so. I am capable to be noisy and not pay attention in class or I can suddenly shout random comments in class. but I do not do so. Anyone can do so, but not everyone does so. you are you because you choose to be you. What qualities you choose to display depicts you. Some might think that what one portrays is him/her but I believe that is only part of him/her. That is what he/she chooses to display, not entirely him/her. There couldn't be a bad guy who's totally bad. That only happen in drama where one's character is to emobody whatever quality he is suppose to portray. But we are real-life humans after all and we are more than that. We are more than what meets the eyes. What's on the outer side may not be the same as what's inside. A coin has two sides, each different. It can be trash in a jungle, but yet of value in a city. Context alters one's identity.

Sometimes it gets so confusing. Maybe I'm thinking too much? I do not know. It feels good to type my heart out. All my problems, I kept thinking. Dwelling on them. Yet i always tried to think of a solution and it never really cures. Still, I pray for the day to come when I know I can put down all the barriers between us, talk with ease and enjoy my school life. After all, I might still look back and regret about what should have happened 4 years ago 4 years later.

祝愿

2009-04-11T19:32:00.004+08:00

夜静无人. 孰能见得吾? 叹情一物, 邪也！碎人心也！于其情深之以表，然其故投另之怀。吾心尽伤矣，却顾其心之所向，愁制于心。对其，吾常笑之以会。为其，不惜世间万尽。然其心之所属已为他君。
今世无缘将手并，连理树下结姻缘。只望来世复良缘，再续前世未了情。
愿其君将其好生看待，灌予纯爱。则此生足矣。

Quiz

2009-04-03T00:11:00.007+08:00

yay, I so long never do quiz le. Ripped from gladys blog

My 21 friends who i can think of right now:
1)Gladys
2)Gerontius
3)Clarissa
4)Adam
5)Abdullah
6)Sihui
7)Weeqin
8)Sabrina
9)Rachel
10)Wenji
11) Jerrell
12)Prancer
13) Jing ren
14) Jia wen
15) Andrew
16) Sinfai
17)Dawn
18) Vanessa
19)Gareth
20)Nicole
21)Jolene
How did u meet 7?(Wee qin) Through IPO

What would you do if you and 15 never met? (Andrew) Nothing. Cuz I would have been too lonely in school.

What would you do if 20 and 1 dated?(Nicole and Gladys) Cheer for them?

Have you seen 17 cried (Dawn) Neh

Would 4 and 16 make a good couple (Sinfai and Adam) Maybe…It might work out after all! Nah, maybe not.

Do you think 11 is attractive? (Jerrell)I’m certainly not gay, so at least..not to me….

What's 2's favourite colour (Gerontius) Blue , same as me!

When was the last time you talked to 9 (Rachel) This morning?

What language does 8 speaks? (Sabrina) Mostly English

Who is 13 going out with? (Jing Ren) mmm….Not sure..no one maybe?

Would you ever date 17 (Dawn) I don’t think so…

Where does 18 live? (Vanessa) Around where I live? I remember she alights at Yio Chu Kang..

What's the best thing about 4? (Adam) His optimisim is infectious

What would you like to tell 10 right now? (Wenji) I wanna see you dance like Michael Jackson.
=D

What's the best thing about 20? (Nicole) She’s analytical and intelligient especially in
understanding the complex English language

Have you ever kissed 2? (Gerontius) No

What's the best memory you have of 5? (Abdullah) His sharp sense of humour.

When are you going to see 4? (Adam) Tomorrow Morning?

How is 7 different from 6 (Weeqin and Sihui) Sex Difference, Height Difference and many more.

Is 2 pretty? (Gerontius) …..errr…Can pretty describe boys?

What's your 1st impression of 15? (Andrew) Very friendly and patient Overseas Scholar

How did you meet 3? (Clarissa) In cchms, 2 years ago

Is 14 your best friend?(Jia Wen) Kinda long never see her le leh…

Do you hate 12? (Prancer) Definitely, Certainly, Absolutely not. He stuck with me since P4 man, he’s a great pal.

Have you seen 18 in the last month? (Vanessa) Yea I even saw her this month too! Creepy eh?

When was the last time you saw 16? (Sinfai) Went back to chung cheng 2 days ago and I met Sinfai. =D

Have you been to 5's house? (Abdullah) Neh

When's the next time you'll see 10(Wenji) Tomorrow

Are u close to 11 (Jerrell) Not exactly

Have you been to movies with 4 (Adam) mmm…like no?

Have you gotten into trouble with 8? (Sabrina) hahahahahahaha no.

Would you give 19 a hug? (Gareth) Depends on the reason.

When have you lied to 3? (Clarissa) Never.

Is 11 good at socializing? (Jerrell) Better than me?

Do you know a secret about 8? (Sabrina)What? Tell me. Oh, its asking me…sadly..no…

Describe the relationship between 12 and 8? (prancer and Sabrina) Never met

What's the best thing about your friendship with 9 (Rachel) It’s easier to chat with her on msn.

What's the worst thing about 6?? (Si Hui) Sometimes a little disruptive in class…

Do you have a crush on 12 (Prancer) No, but I really like him a lot as a friend.

How long have you known 2 (Gerontius)Since Sec 1

Does 11 have any gf/bf (Jerrell) I don’t think so.

Have you wanted to punch 1 in the face (Gladys) Nah, never. She’s nice. Besides, if I did punch
her, I’ll probably be the one severely injured.

Have 21 met your parents? (Jolene) No

How did you meet 11(Jerrell)? The same as how I met all the others above which I mentioned.

Did u accidentally physically hurt 3? (Clarissa) I don’t think so/I hope not.

Did u live close to 7? (Weeqin) err not really.

What's 8's favourite food (Sabrina) I have no idea.

What kind of car does 1 hav? (Gladys) Probably none.

Have you travelled anywhere with 9 (Rachel) with a bunch of friends to the movies?

If u gave $100 to 9, what would he/she spend it on (Rachel) Do I even need to? I thought she got her own supplier already? xD

Love Foregone

2009-03-27T23:11:00.004+08:00

Above, the maddening splash of crimson blood.
Below, a glittering path towards a land too far
Oh! My love, the path we trudged before the times of hard
had been reclaimed and filled up with these sands of distrust.

Hearken to the dreary rhythm of the receding waves
the desperate echoes of Nature's slaves
Open your heart to the wistful whispers of winds.
Murmurs of love forgone clandestinely within.

Whilst the sun's shadowy crown fades from the horizon
Drowned under the deep abyss towards no end nor reason
And the silvery glimpse shone through the depth of your eyes
Shrank away to a timeless stare of piercing lies.

Scale your Mountain

2009-03-14T16:42:00.004+08:00

Must every step in life be filled with such hardships. Evety step that took you higher, has an obstacle that will hit you harder.A mountain, life is. The higher you scale, the steeper it gets, the colder it gets, the harder it is. And when you miss a step and fall, the higher it gets, the harder you'll fall. Such is life, a path laid with obstacles and challenges. Like an endless route of hardships, though there is a point where you can stop. An ending point, there is, like every mountain, there is a summit. But what price would it take for you to reach the top? Would we ever be able to finish the ascend? Would it take a part of us away forever, lost along the path?

Everyone climbs a different mountain. Everyday, the conditions of the mountain changes. Like weather: it may make your life easier for one day, and harder the next. We all have a mountain. A different mountain. Different heights, different ending points, different components, different conditions. and all of us are different climbers. Do you scale a hundred metres a day, and climb the next? Do you take the easy path or do you aim for endless challenges. can you find a way across when life gets you to a dead end?

People fall everyday. Perhaps, tumble down to their starting point. Starting with none. then climb again. Up the mountain. Such is life. Never an easy path. Of course, for the fortunate ones, the easy path is laid down for you. By your parents. You can take the easy path, straight and smooth. Still, up the climb. There may be rocks and steep climbs along the way. You may fall, or maybe not. Sometimes, the path is to tedious, and you'll need support. You may find support, or you may not. You will still have to find a way across. Even if you have to put down and put up with everything. Such is life.

We are not alone in our own mountain. There are people who share our climb. Some may help us in times of need, some may walk along our path and stroll with us. Some are just on their own way. We all have a different mountain, but everyone is a part of everyone's life. We are still linked. We scale our own mountain, that is the path we must complete. But we exist not only in our own mountain, or life would have existed with only you alone, not? There are still people, people in your life, your mountain. They play a role. They may push you down, help you up, or do absolutely nothing to you at all. You acknowledge their existance and so do they to you. But, we can still help others that we saw in our climb, that needs our aid. We may rush to their support and help them up or maybe push them further down. Perhaps they will get back to you in time, or maybe not. Still, it depends.

There will be some that will accompany you through your climb at different points of your climb. They may discover a beautiful waterfall with you, stroll along the mysterious forest with you, or maybe brave the storm with you. You will remember them, some, in time. And they you. Still, it is your mountain to climb. These people come and go, and with them or with them not, you still have to climb, get on with your life.

The longer you climb, the more experienced you will get. You will know your way around your mountain. After all, it is your mountain. Who could be more sure of it other than yourself. You will pick up skills along the way. Learn how to swing down from a overhanging branch, climb a tree perhaps, know the short-cuts and beautiful places. Remember them, you might, and use them wisely.

Eventually, we will still get to our mountain's summit. Our end. But whether it will be a climb that worth a lifetime of effort, depends on us and others as well. There are a great many things in our mountain, not every path we have to take, not every blade of grass we may know, not every step is a joyous one. But go on we must. We are all climbers. Every single one of us. Born as climbers and born to be one. If you choose to give up along the path, you will never reach the summit, never see the view, and overview of your own mountain, your own life. There is beauty in it. Not every mountain is perfect, not every mountain is the same. So, brush away any obstacles you met along the way, You know that this is not the end yet. Keep climbing! Keep working on it! ! Never give up! For the obstacles, they are all just part of the mountain, part of our life. Persevere, and we will reach the summit of our mountain.

2009-02-26T14:07:00.000+08:00

Omg the rain is HEAVY

The Watcher

2009-02-08T20:45:00.004+08:00

The Watcher comes
The Watcher leaves
In plain sight The Watcher lives

Day in and day out
He stands his ground
Never give in and never back out

From the corner he watches
through the eyes of his mind
He watches and observes
the bustling of life
and he watches, his life.

He is The Watcher
he watches life
but sometimes he listens
he listens to minds
The Watcher watches and listens

He seldom speaks
his words too silent
only wisdom he seeks
and that through listen

And The Watcher is one
He yearns concern
but what can he want
He's never someone
He listens thus and watches so
Absorbing wisdom of thine

For life is always a game
and The Watcher knows so
The Game of Life
The Dice of Fate
and he is a player of the game

Alas, too much to lose
if he makes a wrong move
Destiny dealt him a hard hand
and he had to comply
for this is the Game of Life

The Watcher waits for his turn
he must not be careless
or the end he shall be
He watches the others
He moves to their moves

Dropping some hints he did
picking up hints he does
countering requires prescience
and that calls for precautions

Along the way he may find traps
obstacles to go past
problems he shall face
Inevitable
Silence is his reply
Re-actions to their actions

Life is anything but less than a game
The Watcher is anything but a piece in the game
He is a player, a party, a participant
He may be one in this Game of Life
But aid he could gather
Confidents from the past.

The oath he swore
The light he seeks
The success he pursues
He shall remember
Remember always
his oath
his promise
his resolve will guide him
through the darkness now he faces
and through it he swore to find the light
Past the Game of Life
By his will, The Watcher.

Forget Never, love

2009-01-20T17:28:00.009+08:00

Under the moonlit night he watched
the darkness embracing its silence
What falls within, his senses deep
gazing at the twinkling stars
feeling the gentle passing of breeze

He tasted the sweet tang of content and afar
Sea waves caressing the tiny grains of sand
pacifying it with its gentle touch
He listened, deep with intent
dark with pleasure, lost in thoughts

Lightly her petite palm he squeezed
Feeling, sensing the warmth within
Their fingers entwined
Their hearts as one
He smiled with purest joy

The stars would watch their pledge of love
The sea would witness his truth to love
The moon would be their symbol of love
The night would watch as he devote his love
to her embrace, to her light kisses, to her heart

Deftly, he laid her down with him
Closing her eyes as he breathed softly
Fondling her hair as he reached deeper
to her soul he touched
her breathing quickens

The night wears on impenetrably
The dark forever everlasting
He felt her body through his tender touch
slowly, calmly, quietly, lovingly
wearing down the last barrier that stood between

The tides retired to hushed oblivion
The wind long stilled its secret whispers
For pairs who ceased to lay in love's embosoms
Forget never, the time when love
embodied your world with beauty and perfection

Let it go...

2009-01-15T21:40:00.003+08:00

The sweetest thing while it would seem
the hardest it had been
The darkest time through i have seen
your shoulder I could lean

Have it turned to ashes grey
our memories in the past
blown away with just the lightest breeze
our friendship you discard

I couldn't bear to let go of you
after all the time that passed
though I sense the change in you
Gods! Will I ever last?

I see you wore the mask of smile
like the ones you wore before
but the warmth is gone, your heart is gone
I sense but a cold, dry smile

Have you wondered how before
we came to be good friends
how the difference in between
been dissolved with a casual chat

How I wish i could travel back
towards the recent past
when our friendships seems able to last
all but eternal time

But now you drift further from me
colder and distant
The awkward spaces we had between
had grown silent and twisted

Our lives had been crafted and shaped
changed by the hands of fate
towards the future where the sun glows gold
though now i see but a patch of flakes

For my hands you no longer clasp
for my eyes you no longer gaze
for my companionship you no longer need
for me you no longer wish

For the life we shall toast!
to death as we shall bow!
Lo and behold! Almighty ho!
Friendship never lasts their hold!

Here is why God Doesn't exist.

2008-12-16T12:51:00.002+08:00

there's a guy who posted this topic in the forum: Here is why God doesn't exist. The hell am I reading 600+ pages of your crappy arguments. My logic is flawless.

Dominic writes:
1. Suffering exists.
2. If God exists and is worth worshipping, he doesn't want us to suffer, and can stop suffering at will
3. It's not because of our sins because babies also suffer and haven't had time to sin
4. It's not original sin because animals suffer too, and they haven't done anything.
5. Therefore, God doesn't exist or is a masochistic bastard. QED.
(Oh, and if you're going to say FREE WILL, then may I remind you that if God can't create a perfect world AND STILL have free will for us, he can't do everything. Nor does the existence of pleasure require pain so we 'appreciate it more': If God said it didn't have to, it wouldn't have to)

NEXT ARGUMENT: YOUR specific religion isn't the right one
1. The only evidence you have for your holy book/religion being worth more than someone else's holy book is that you are convinced it's so
2. Lots of people are convinced by lots of different holy books/religions
3. they can't all be right
4. therefore it's possible to be utterly convinced and wrong
5. the chances of your religion being the right one--it has an equal chance as ALL other possible religions--are a billion to one
6. your religion probably isn't right.

NEXT ARGUMENT: the world doesn't need your God to exist.
1. Before the big bang there was no time and therefore no cause is necessary
2. If the universe requires a creator because it's complex, so does God
3. If God doesn't require a creator because he's always been there, then it would be simpler for the universe to have always been there since it's a random collection of energy and not a sentient all powerful timeless bearded man
4. We evolved, deal with it

CONCLUSIONThere might be a God, but there probably isn't, and not the one you thought of, and he obviously doesn't care much about us...He may be skinny, shirtless and hung on a cross, but he's still santa claus.

I replied:
You say there is no god, no eyes above us, no superior authority governing our life, because god did not let every sentinent being in the planet live in a perfect world. Let it be that way then.

You say there is no god, i refer to god in general( superior authority out of our reaches ) because there are too many could-be-gods. Let's state an analogy. If there are A-Z number of possibilities that something could go wrong, and that if A happens, B would not happen, would you just go ahead and rule out all possibilities? Too many religions in this world anyway, maybe all is true, maybe none are, maybe we only see the partial truth. But you are probably right, most people's religion could be possibly not exactly correct.

Perhaps we shall wait until science to slowly strip god of its rumoured powers and replace it with cold hard facts, or perhaps science could one day piece up a greater piece of a jigsaw puzzle, and we will all see the truth. Before there is science, perhaps "science" could be considered as magic.

Imagine going back 3000 years ago and explain to a group of people what is electricity and fix up a bulb. They'd probably think you are conjuring some magic or maybe even witchery. Who knows. we couldn't jump to conclusions just like that. We need a substantianal amount of time to prove theories, right our past mistakes and slowly accept the new ideas. The first few followers of a religion could have been so, and thus choose to follow the religion's way. Only time can tell..or perhaps death.

There are so many people in this world that has their own beliefs, their own religion. You couldn't be entirely correct, and everyone else that doesn't believe in your argument is wrong, could you? Your argument is not new, we all may have seen it or thought about it before. It follows a logical way of thinking: Science is always correct, because there is are evidence. Religious ways are probably not correct because there's no proof to the promise. People are not ignorant, Dominic. We all see the world in different lights. Some may have even found thier own "proof" to their religions.

What I was trying to say is that we all have our own views and you can't say what we believe in is wrong, much as we can't say what you said is incorrect. There isn't substantional evidence in each other's argument. Maybe time could tell, with the combined efforts of science. Unless you can walk in death, visually record down what you seen and show it to the world what death looked like. But you can't, maybe in the future, but not now at least. The religion might be full of flaws to you, but science is also not without flaws. Too many times we have to revise our theories and overwrite our old theories with new theories so that it should be correct and there are so many phenomenons that happen, in which science cannot explain fully. maybe we will see in due time, maybe not. No one could say for sure.

However, the world you seem to picture seem such a cruel place. You seem to believe strongly in science. If you think that God doesn't exist because science couldn't prove it and its promises are contradicting. You probably dont believe in afterlife, hell, or heaven or whatever as well. Death sounds like a cold and empty piece of black space, or perhaps it just represents the end of a life. We are all created by our parents due to a natural phenomenon we all know and when we grow old and die. Our life just ends and nothing goes beyond it. No more conscience, nothing. We shall just live, do our things, grow old and die. right? Everything accomplishments in life is rewarded with an empty death just as every wrong-doing in life. Life shall be unfair then, yeah?

He replied:
//What I was trying to say is that we all have our own views and you can't say what we believe in is wrong, much as we can't say what you said is incorrect. There isn't substantional evidence in each other's argument. //

Actually, I think I can. The main problem with any religion is that, while empiricism exists to describe and explain the physical, natural world, there is no comparable system for the metaphysical or supernatural. Claims about the physical world can be supported with evidence, and analysed to verify them.

If you hold a belief purely by faith, without empirical evidence, then that belief is just as legitimate as any other held for the same reason. A person who says they believe God *probably* exists is just as justified as me saying I believe he *probably* doesn't. But we must ALL technically be agnostics, because nobody can be certain about anything that falls outside the jurisidiction of empiricism, outside the physical world. There is no way to distinguish between the statements 'the FSM exists', 'Bertrand Russel's Teapot exists', 'Woden exists', and 'YHWH exists'.

Anyone who claims to know with certainty that something is true that cannot be supported or refuted with empirical evidence, is a liar, a fraud, or an idiot. Someone without either the wit or the will to look at the Descartian conclusion (I think, therefore I am: there is only one thing I can know for certain, and that is that I exist) and follow it to its logical end.

Yes, empiricism is based on faith; but we know it works in the physical world. It accurately describes the physical world. Nobody disputes that. If the supernatural exists, it cannot describe it; and because two people having the same experience can come to two different convictions about the supernatural, 'faith' on its own clearly can't describe that either.

The atheist simply acknowledges that nobody can know if God or gods exist or not, but believes there probably aren't any; he or she makes no definite statement. If they do, they assume they are omniscient. Anyone who practices any religion (including psychics, spiritualists, faith healers, aromatherapists, or those people who dilute things whose name has escaped me for the moment) because they believe it IS the right one, is just as much a fool.

Unless you're making a statement about the physical, you cannot know anything is the case. If you think you *know*, you're a dickwit or a loser. (Not aimed at you, Jasmon)

This is clearly something I have to continue thinking about until it becomes clearer and more succinct. Please tell me if this doesn't make the matter entirely clear to you. Chears.

2008-11-26T21:27:00.003+08:00

At some point in time, we would all cling on to the past. we had, in fact, always lived under the shadows of the past. No matter how we tried to forget, or ignore, our past still affects the way we are today. Some of us embrace this, while others resent it. Thinking of the past had not always been easy, as recounting the past events can be a headache. However, the past does grant us experiences so that we can better deal with problems at hand. At some point in time, it gave us comfort and encouragement. Thinking of our past achievements can boost our morale so that we will be full of confidence to meet the challenges ahead of us. Whereas lingering in the past too long, and it may lead to failure. Perhaps 50 years down the road, when you look back to the past, the present now, you would recount the events that took place. Some sad, some happy, some touching, who knows what comes after it.

I had always been one that never let go of the past. It is always welcomed to flip through my report books and certificates book or play with the trophies on the shelf. It seems as though that by touching these fragments of memories, it can soothe my mind. It will remind me of the times of success, and how i reached the ultimate goal, my flight. Although it would be rather short. In any case, it does aid me in finding confidence and a resolute will to face up with my life. One thing I am sure though, the past does shape your future. put a bread in a basin, soon it will be infested with mould. plant a seed in fertile soil with the right conditions, and the seed will germinate. These are cause and effect, similar to how the past shape the future. Of course, some may disagree, that the present affect the future, or maybe it doesn't affect for god knows why. But words are never true. In fact, most of the things that exist does not even exist at all. I'm talking about natural things. Words, as we all know, does not exist in the animal world, and therefore, it is not naturally formed. Humans created it, and so does math and science and others. However, all of these has an underlying element. That is logic. Logic is the unwritten set of rules that branch out to form different disciplines. like maths and science. Ahh my thoughts are broken... now I am unable to carry on....

Pictures From CHina

2008-11-26T02:07:00.009+08:00

Well, here are some pictures that i took during the exchange trip. As you can see, i have here 20 pictures that I randomly chosen from my list. Enjoy. Most of the pictures are taken with the subject's consent, of course, monkeys, trees and buildings cannot speak and therefore cannot give consent. Therefore silence means consent. And neither can those asleep give me consent. Again, Silence means consent. Should have seen the way jia en and vicky slept. Jia en slept with her mouth opened in a lop-sided oval shape, and her hair(or rather her fringe) is draped across her face. I find that rather amusing. And, we got Vicky who is sleeping in a rather awkward position, (fetal position perhaps?) and remains locked tight in that position for the next hour. Amazing feat, I'd suppose. I guess the others are self explanatory like how jing xiang's hair look abit flat against the wind and chubin looks as if sand is blowing into his eyes in the sixth picture from top to bottom. Well, I'm off to rest I guess. I'll post more meaningful posts later.

to cq ppl

2008-11-09T00:30:00.002+08:00

Our fingers entwined through the darkness of light
Our hearts so bright, so bright with the light
Oh! the light in your eyes as we bid goodbye
Shall accompany me throughout this flight.

May the eyes atop look after thou hearts
through the light of the day and times of hard
May the spirits of our hearts soar high above the sky
beyond the boundaries, beyond their sight

Perhaps one day we will meet in a flight
in a timeless space, we, man of rights
Across the oceans, beyond mere words
our eyes will speak in golden silence.

Let it be true, Let it be forever
Let it be the strength of a tiger
Our hearts clenched tightly together
Ahh.... best luck and wishes!

Debrief

2008-10-19T15:07:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wish I could just lay down and die
away from my faults, those unbearable sights
If only! If only, If only.
Then I'll be. Then I'll be, Then I'll be!

But its too late to sob about it now
I had already let myself down
"Let this be a lesson" and so they say
But my eyes seem always so ready to glaze

The target's been set
The action's been taken
But has it been met?
No, it hasn't!

I'll give up, I'll succumb
whatever life had chosen for me to become
For their authority tolerates no questioning glare
Their supeiority beyond mortals un-measuring glance

Embrace the end.

2008-10-07T19:41:00.006+08:00

The Sun will never cease to rise,
The Sea will never run dry.
The Stars will never fall from the sky,
The Sands will never stay in line

All the lies, white lies
not to scare infants' minds
But why, why sigh
in ties, the lies are in ties.

Try, Let's try,
Try to keep the sand out of sight
Else the sky the colour of ryes
The sun a dreaful glow once shine.

finally its over

2008-10-02T00:07:00.003+08:00

Finally...the funeral thing came to an end. On Tuesday, after my japanese class, i had been staying at the funeral's place until 3am, and it finally ended, on wednesday about 4 pm. Briefly, this is what i did during the funeral. At about 7.30 pm, tuesday, we(all relating relatives) were called to do a part of a ritual that will last 30 minutes. Three monks, one wearing a white framed spectacles, one with small beady eyes, and another one with a bell that arrived in a Mark X Toyota car is supposed to be the "master" that will perform the ritual.

Firstly, we were given a joss stick. So i hold the joss stick at the level of my chest like everyone else and kept quiet (and still).The monks are chanting something incomprehensible. Then a couple of bowing here and there.Then, i place the joss stick on a ....something that holds joss stick? Then we all sat down, about 20 of us, all relatives. then....they continue to chant,chant,chant. until i fall asleep. literally. which i was awoke by a furious nudge by my sister. then stand, bow, stand, bow x 3 then dismissed.

Half an hour later, we were told to do the same thing. Another half an hour passed after second part has been done, comes the third part. At this stage, the sky had already turned rather grey. Anyway, after the joss stick ritual, we were brought to walk around the coffin for 3 rounds. then sit down again and hear them chant. Suddenly, there was a downpour. Everyone shifted subtlely, to the inside, until it was quite obvious everyone moved.

Due to the downpour, we can't burn the paper things. so that had to be left till tmr. So i played some games with Emily and her sisters until 2 plus. Then my father was unwell and we went home. (we were supposed to stay there the whole night).

The next day was more interesting. Sad to speak, i had barely 3 hours of sleep so i felt like throwing up. I felt much better after about 3 hours. Anyway, there are music bands this time to provide us entertainment. Although all of them are hokkien songs, i can recognise all of them. Then, at about 9, we set off to burn the paper things. That big mansion like house is placed in a metal fenced place and we poured the folded hell notes to the fenced area. Then we surrounded the burning area, kneeling down. We were each given a wooden stick(thick one) and a joss stick. Someone set fire to the paper things and we were told to hit the ground repeatedly with the wooden sitck/plank. My uncles shouted something in hokkien as they hit the ground but i cant make out what. then after it was almost burned finish, we were told to walk away WITHOUT looking back.

After that, we brought the body to some crematorium and incinerated it. Then we make our way to the guang ming si. Then back to the crematorium to collect the ashes. and back again to guangming si to place the ashes there. The place was quite big and i almost got lost. Anyway, i find that monks are not really always so serious looking. The fact that when the monks are chanting, i see some don't really know what they are chanting, some yawning, some looking around, some just looked dumb. I wonder if they are apprentices. I would have liked to post some pictures but sadly, i don't think my parents would approve it. Finally, its over. Rest in peace, dear grandfather.

Death is but the harvest of life.
Every crop an action in life.
Be it strength or vice, wrong or right.
The harvest holds no lies

Funeral - Day 2

2008-09-28T22:25:00.002+08:00

Today, I went to my Grandfather's funeral, the second day. As usual, I have nothing to do there....just folding paper notes for his journey expenses. He was my biological grandfather, my real grandfather. But, I don't remember him, not really. I was closer to my step grandfather, which died years before. My only memory of him is that once, during Chinese Lunar New Year, I stood in line, waiting for him together with all my cousins, a red packet. He gave everyone except me! Well... I guess I couldn't blame him. I ain't seen him much and neither do he. He got that senile illness too. Old people, too old to remember stuffs like grandsons.

Then, there is the hospital scene. I was called to go to the hospital in a frantic rush in case my grandfather gonna pass away. Heard that he fell down or something, then one moment he's alright, and the other he's gonna die. Who knows what's gonna happen next in life? Anyway, I went there to see him. Its scary. He looked so small and bony. When I speak to him, i doubted he can even hear me. He couldn't speak, just lying there, eyes closed, with a mouth cover over him. His skin colour is white, to the extent i can even tell his temperature must be way below our normal body temperature. The other relatives are just sitting nearby, keeping quiet, keeping the staleness alive. I could see some familiar faces, and some not very familiar ones. I can see Emily, my playmate since young. When I'm young, I really adore her a lot. She was like a sister to me, both in age and height. We used to meet each other every week to chat and play. But now, the stillness of the hospital consumed me, consumed everyone else. Its so dark here, as the lights are off. Everyone is sleeping, as good as dead I guess. Most of them are only an old, frail shell, looking at the ceiling as if they are awaiting death. The younger ones all had company, friends who brought smile upon all their faces. But the old ones...they are a completely different story. For my grandfather, I went there for about 4 hours, nothing much to do either. Just waited there and read my history textbook. After that, I went home. I don't feel nothing really, I don't pity him, I realise I don't even care about whether he is dead or alive.

Well, the next day, I received news that he is dead and that the funeral will be right this evening. So, I just went to the funeral. We changed our clothes to white top, black bottom. Then put some coloured cloth on our shirt. Then the monk told us to kneel down and bow down and stuff, put the joss stick on some pot like thing and nothing else. For the rest of the day until 10, I just sat there and revised my work. Then they gave us some hell notes to fold into yuan bao, and so i obeyed. Nothing to do anyway. I don't feel anything for my grandfather. We haven't seen each other for more than 5 times in my lifetime. And the number of words we exchanged, less than the number of hair strands of a monk. do not shed a single tear for him during the funeral. This place that i am now, and his lifeless face, strange, unfamiliarly strange. We all cry when our relatives die. That is because they played a part in our life, made our life better. Now that we lost them, we will feel sad. Because deep inside, we feel that some part of us is lost, forever. But, to me, that somebody that just died, I don't even know his name! Why would i feel sad?

Today, I went down again, just to show my face. I folded more yuan bao and ate some food. Sat there like no one's business and revised my zuo wen. Emily, my playmate since young was sitting opposite me. She was studying Geography, I am studying Chinese. We did not exchanged glances. She just read, and i just read. What happened to us all? When we are young, we used to play together, talk together, you used to be one of the most important people in my life. But now, I am just watching her silently, reading her book. She still looked so young, so much like the Emily I knew, but not as innocent. And then I continued to asked her questions, questions about Geography. I said i wanted to test her, but in fact, I just wanted to talk to her. To search for the feeling that bounded me to her when I'm young. She spoke in a friendly tone, answering all my questions. Suddenly, I feel like I'm in the good old days again. But questions after questions, the silence slowly built up. Then, We never spoke. I turn to folding the papers again. A while later, I went home.

Looking back, I can still see Emily, reading her textbook. I really want to chat and talk to her again, like when we are young. She's like my sister. But now, She is but my cousin. I can still see in her eyes, the same old Emily, but our appearance changed, our lives changed. She is a reminder of my childhood lost. And for the evidence? The very silence that grew between us. Perhaps I can never play with her like I used to anymore. But, at least, deep in my heart I still know, she is Emily, my childhood playmate, my little sister, and for now, my cousin.

LOVEEE

2008-09-27T10:35:00.001+08:00

Pink, Life, LOVEEEEEEE

2008-09-21T13:05:00.002+08:00

Alright. Exams are just around the corner. For the past few days, i had been playing all my games, playing from morning to night, xbox360, wolfteam, whatever. Morning to night, non-stop. well.. that is for a reason. I vowed that i will stop all games at 6, a promise to myself, and i will fulfill this. After 6, I shall start studying all my subjects. one at a time, mark out a timetable, or at least some, then i will only touch my games on thursday, 9 october, after my ACC exam. I guess I still have 20 minutes left.... I have faith in myself... I will never, NEVER breach the rules..

short story

2008-09-15T22:14:00.004+08:00

One day, I was resting in my quarters as usual,when I saw someone barging into the hall making so much noise He looks as if he wants to murder someone or at least something, though he is of no warrior build to me. Well, neither is he carrying a weapon of any sort.

“Own up, whoever that did this!” he pointed to the scratch mark on th.e foot of a chicken clutched tightly in his hands. “Own up, you cowards!” he repeated. We looked at him, we really couldn’t control ourselves but burst out laughing. Unbelievable as it may seem, here’s someone who dare challenge the authority of the guild.

So much noise he is making that crowds gradually gathered in the hall, commoners who had nothing better to do.

What a scene he is making I thought. There was much clamour in the hall, but none could match the clear, distinctive voice of that young man.

The he started yelling across the whole hall, filling the hall with unbearable noises, words that are far too common spoken by the tongues of those who weren’t as far, smarter than commoners.

But then later he stopped yelling and turned to some intriguing unreasonable reasoning.
Well, pretentious as he is, his words of threats does not sound very convincing, not even to the folks of Renault Pelius.

Well, so interesting his balderdash are that everyone took a step closer to listen to what he has to say. You gotta acknowledge the fact that these things like this don’t happen every day in Renault Pelius.

For about thirty minutes he continued, and only less than a second of silence was observed in this absolutely ridiculous tumult he had caused.

I was one of those onlookers, so I remained silent throughout. My folks far away in the hometown of Lourve sopie would definitely love to hear this story, I thought. I was expecting more when he suddenly walked out of the hall, back to the mountains where he came from.

Was it due to guilt, or fear of the guild’s great influence in the great land of the east? No one knows, except for him. But one thing for sure: his chicken feet business is settled for good, or was it not?

Demise of an unstable star

2008-09-15T19:14:00.003+08:00

Relating to what happened today, I wrote this based on that. Well... i'm not very good in expressing, not the first time I represent an incident with another incident.... I wonder if you can relate to what is on my mind at that point in time...

Shooting Star

One night I was lying under the starry night sky,
Observing a star that is ever so bright
Looming over the night sky like an apocalyptic dynamite
Drawing in attention on its fore coming plight

“What a sight!” you would have cried.
As a ray of blinding white light shot across the sky
But soon it dwindles, the white light fading from sight
The star, still hanging above, looked down at earth with spurious might

The air around crept closer, minding the signs
But the star could hold on no longer; it could not hide
And slowly, painfully, with an odd sense of pride
It casually flows down the starry night sky

poem with melody

2008-09-04T12:05:00.003+08:00

ok, i know this one's kinda weird. Yesterday it was raining kinda heavily, and i don't know why i just hymn out this few lines with the melody(or at least i think it is a melody) I don't have much musical background, so it may sound amateur like, or incomplete to you guys out there who are far better. anyway, as i can't show the scores, just take it that one grammar = one semi crotchet.
mmm....

Now, the rain is pouring down
E,,,,,, E,,E,,F,,D,C,D,,,,,,
My heart could never sound
D,,D,,E,,,C,B,C,
This regret is dragging me down
A,,B,,C,,, C,,F,,E,,D,,C,,
Why, oh why couldn’t I see
E,,,, E,,E,,F,,D,C,D,
My heart could never be
D,,D,,E,,,C,B,C,
With you
A,,B,,C,,,,,,,,

我不哭

2008-08-25T17:43:00.004+08:00

有人曾说：“短暂的分离是为了更美好的重逢。”昨天在机场为我们的伙伴送机时，我想了很多。其实，当我们要分道扬镳时，我看到了那么多人哭哭啼啼的，还真有点儿像加入他们一起哭。但想深一层，我们的伙伴还健在，而且不久后又回到那里与他们相会，为什么要搞到自己那副德性呢？况且当时我并不是觉得很悲伤。因为我想通了。交流毕竟是短暂的，谁也无法改变得了。但友谊是长存的。不管伙伴到了那里，我们都是好朋友。不管他到天涯地角，只要我们曾经相识，他就永远是我的朋友。分隔两地又如何？科技如此发达，我还是能与他联络。眼泪都是虚假的，悲伤都是浅薄的。只要友谊深固，谁需要作出一份真情流露的样子？虽然眼泪能是发自内心深处的。但我认为面带笑容目送伙伴较为恰当。

不要哭泣，因为这只是短暂的分离。
微笑，因为笑容能再朋友脸上挂上笑容。
向前奔，因为未来的路还很长。

poem, racial harmony

2008-08-24T01:44:00.002+08:00

Woven heartstrings beneath this land
Common people of common life
Intersection held deep and tight
Colours of humanity dyed deep though light

看海

2008-08-09T18:53:00.002+08:00

昨夜看海时，随着灵感写的一首小诗。

沉沉夜浪曲
往日少年忆
暗浪微弱光
宁静孤单伴

谁晓雄志壮
孰知情深固
缓风微微迎
少时已成去

I HATE YOU FLU

2008-08-03T00:00:00.002+08:00

Dear Mr flu/cold/mucous

Mr atch-oo(childhood name), you know what. sometimes i like you, you are my playmate since when i'm very young. doctor said you will always be my friend, be beside me. however, he says you are naughty and gave me mr medicine if you ever make me feel bad. Now, however, i dun like you. seriously, i feel like killing you. why you made become so not green. i wasted how many tissues because of the mess you created you know. and you disloyal,ungrateful hermophodite slut. why do i see you with other people? I hate you. I dun ever want to see you again. you better not find me. now i got a new friend. He is Intelligient, Notorious, Superb. Obedient, Meticulous, Nice, Impotent, Affectionate. so.. ya, forever byebye. i rather be with this friend.

No longer your friend
Jasmon

2008-07-24T19:20:00.002+08:00

Here are some random pictures that i chose from my folder. ten in total

hey look at this, playing chor tai di in public eh? who's in the pic?

I hope you are not too blind to notice edmund's "enlightened" face. looks cute eh?

oh hey, this is xueli taken at 2007. keep smiling. ((:

well... let's see. she's acting cute or she was eating a sour sweet, or maybe she bitten her tongue?

hehe. joanne didn't seemed to notice i took her picture...

well well well.can you identify the person in this picture. she is from our class. clue: look at the words.

yay. i took picture of clar. ermm... as this picture was taken without their notice, i accidentally taken part of my finger too. hey, she looks nice with long hair doesn't she? ((:

ok. now, like i said, i was secretly taking photo of them. you see.. this is one or two second before sally spotted my camera through her sleepy eyes. yeh, but i still took it =P

Yvonne and JIAEN. yeh, jia en, i promised to give you a surprise. ta-dah! your picture. full picture too. how patriotic of you. and now, everyone can take a look at it. :)

mmm... got a kind of stylised feeling, no?

If, Man.

2008-07-13T16:42:00.002+08:00

It had been quite long since i've written another poem. but oh wells... din't want my brain to die so.. i wrote another poem

If the world is coming to an end
Civilization shall turn to sand
Life will be drained away
Earth will slowly decay
What will become of Man
The self proclaimed dictator of all lands

If the world is full of magic
No science, no math, no logic
Embers sparkled with purest ease
By wizards whose magic will never cease
What will we wear in these times of magic
Will it be modern clothing or medieval fabric

If the world exists no faith nor beliefs, nil
No superior beings governing our self will
Science and logic shall be the only truth
Law and order like a huge rock that’ll never move
Who can we turn to if we always fail
Your imaginary friend or a dozen sleeping pills

If the world is devoid of love and care
Hugs and kisses reduced to a blank cold stare
Family and Friends will just be empty words
The world will drift to times where darkness lurk
When will the day come when the lands are bare
Not long I guess, if we all don’t share

Why can’t we all work together
Towards a brighter future
Our earth will soon fall apart
If our greed takes over us
But, even if the world will falter
At least we still have one another.

change lyrics

2008-07-04T19:13:00.001+08:00

Yesterday(on 30/1/08) i heard you guys were discussing about class songs. Suddenly, i had the inspiration to change the lyrics. wakakakaka. so now i'm gonna share with you what i wrote. the song is lao shu ai da mi right? 3 and 4 stanza is the chorus., while the others is just the verse.

well i added another set of verse. (4/7/08) yes, i am revising my old post.

我听见williamtell曲
准备下楼assembly
每天，都一样，mr soon 在骂你
然后回到课室里
听见老师脚步声
哪怕是校长我们还是吵

如果真的有一天
全班都被老师骂
我们一定不会抛弃对方
永远在一起
不管发生什么事
我们仍相信彼此
永远不离不弃留在你身旁
你身旁

共患难，见真情
我们永远是二敬
不管有多少风雨
不变的是我们友谊

每一日，每一刻
我们时刻想着你
我们二敬的教师
(我们）永远都感激您，不忘记您。

钟声铃铃铃响起
老师再见谢谢你
明天，我们一定把功课交给您
就算熬到深夜里
也不辜负您苦心
我们会发挥自学的精神

就算将来有一天
必须个走人生路
也不忘记一起度过两年二敬的同窗

不管有多少猜忌
总会有美满结局
永远不离不弃留在你身旁
你身旁

共患难，见真情
我们永远是二敬
不管有多少风雨
不变的是我们友谊

每一日，每一刻
我们时刻想着你
我们二敬的教师
(我们）永远都感激您，不忘记您。

camp

2008-06-24T22:22:00.000+08:00

The Camp
Dear Journal,

Day 1 – Knowing the Basics

“I am your instructor, my name is Melvin and this is instructor Daniel” That is what he said on the first day of camp, in the canteen. I looked at the two of them. Melvin looks a little short but fit, while Daniel looks rather big sized and tall. The perfect duo, I thought. The camp is situated right beside Kota rainforest resort, linked by a shaky bridge. There’s a lake, a canteen, some sports facilities, an amphi theatre in the camp, washrooms and of course, our tents. That’s about all they have in the camp.

I walked around the camp during the short break. At first stop, I arrived at the canteen. I can’t find a better word to describe it than this word: “Repulsive”. The place is simply disgusting. The whole place is infested with flies, bugs, dead ones as well as those flying around. There are decayed foods in the drain and they reek of stale vomit. A group of 18 people had to squeeze within 4 benches, with me sitting right next to the drain. This, of course, took my appetite away. I bet if the department in charge for hygiene sees this situation in Singapore, they’ll immediately close down the place.

Not being able to stand it anymore, I moved off to the tents. The inside of the tent is warm, very warm. I lay down inside my tent that is to be shared with 7 people, including me, and I spotted a small hole. Utterly disappointed with the poor management of the camp facilitators I walked to the washroom, and it was one of the most horrible sights I’ve ever seen. There are creepy crawlies everywhere, and it is not very clean. I mean, very dirty, and some of the toilet cannot be flushed while some of the doors cannot be locked.

Then I was called in to be assembled. After the not very filling lunch, we were called to play some ice-breaking games. Due to the time constraint and bad weather, we did not do many activities. Mainly, it was to help the instructor memorize each other’s names and also create some tension among the group. ( As the group is further divided to 2 groups to compete against each other and one group always wins the other).

We played some games called Jacob’s Ladder in which we had to lay down on the grass patch which is full of red ants. Then, the instructor took some time to remember the names of each other, as well as to let us know about our group members more. Instructor Daniel keeps on forgetting the names while Instructor Melvin is able to memorize our names. However, I suspect this is done on purpose as the two instructors promised to punish themselves if they could not remember our names but after Instructor Daniel keeps on forgetting and the punishment keeps increasing, they told us that we should share the punishment among ourselves. This is to promote unity among the team of course.

Skipping the details as to how tasteless the dinner later was, we went to play another ice-breaking game. This time, we had to try to balance ourselves on a lever. It is rather difficult but it was fun. Our group did not manage to get it in the end, while the other was somehow able to. At one point in time, the tension did grow in my heart, but it was relieved as the time goes by as we are not separated into groups anymore.

Then, we were dispatched for the night walk across a pathetically short distance. When it was our turn, we did not walk for very long when we saw another group. They went the wrong way and were currently trying to figure their way back. As we walk, I tried to admire the nature around me. However, it was rather dark. Still, the night sky was beautiful. Dazzling stars scattered across the night sky, some dark, some bright, but all were beautiful. I led the way fearlessly for my partner as there was really nothing to fear. First, there weren’t any animals, Second, I can see the trail despite the darkness, and last but not least, the trail was clear cut, our way was marked out. After the night walk, we were led back to the canteen.

For our supper, we were each given a piece of bread. What a meal! Then, I and Tze Wei went to bathe in the unwelcoming bathroom. After that, we went to sleep just like any ordinary people. However, the people from another class brought another person in. Thus, eight people are squeezing in one tent while the maximum the tent should hold is six people. Tze Wei and I, being the only two not from their class, was pushed to the corner and so we did not have a very good sleep.

Day 2 ---- Get Wet

The next day, I started to accept the fact that I am going to stay in this place for awhile and became less bitter. The air was refreshing in the morning. From afar, I can spot a mountain (or a hill) which we will be climbing the next day. The place is still covered with fog but having a grandeur view of a mountain which we do not see often in Singapore is still quite nice. Just like the starry sky.

I made a move to the canteen to have my breakfast. The breakfast is delicious. The breakfast is always the best, somehow. It always tastes better than the lunch and dinner. In the morning, the canteen was infested with another kind of insect. This insect look like May flies but even bigger and there were many dead ones on the table and benches. The sight of it made me lost appetite, but not when I found out what we were going to do later….it made me feel worse.

After the breakfast, we played at the sports tower. I volunteered for the Rock climbing. However, when it was my turn, I couldn’t really climb very high. This is partly because my leg cannot step on the footing as my foot was too big and also I keep straying away from the wall. My hand strength slowly depleted and I had no choice but to abandon the climb.

Then, after lunch, we played a game that involves teamwork. The rules are simple. By using barrels, wood and ropes, make a raft that will not sink even with people sitting on it. However, I did not participate actively in this activity. I felt like I wanted to say something but was interrupted. Thus, I fell silent throughout the whole thing. I watched in silence as they tie up the things, push the “raft” into the water and watching the people on it sink. Throughout the whole activity, I merely watched by one side as the discussion gets hotter. I guess that’s just me – can’t really mix around with others well.

Then, we had water activities. The first activity, Jetty Jump, was the most disgusting of all. There was big mayflies’ kind of insect dead, stagnant on the lake water. We had to swim past those things in the dirty lake water. One of our teammates broke down into tears after we swam past those abominations. Then, the instructors took her by the side and let her rest first. Later we were led to jump into the dirty lake water that tasted quite sweet. The most important I would like to note here is about the insects that were dead, floating on the surface of the lake. The sight of it is so terrible, so disgusting, getting close to it was worse than a nightmare. Even until now, when I think of those big flies, on the lake, I feel like throwing up. However, this also cured my fear of insects such as flies and harmless bugs. I felt that the flies on the lake are much more disgusting.

After this activity, we went on to play other activities such as river cascading, which was shockingly short. I felt rather cheated as during the briefing in school, the river cascading was a highlight and I couldn’t imagine it is as short as less than 30 metres. Then, we went on and played Indiana Jones which was fun as it requires the whole team to work together to keep the balance. If one falls into the water, it may implicate the whole group too.

During dinner time, my friend, Tze Wei, told me he felt unwell. I asked him to approach the instructors but he insists on not telling. Thus, I let him be. After that, we went on a firefly cruise trip, and the fireflies are beautiful. Little Dots of light floating here and there forming images with their soft light. After the cruise, Tze Wei started throwing up, I knew he was seriously not feeling well by then.

Then after supper, before we go back to our tents, I lied to Tze Wei that I am refilling water and ran off to tell the instructors of Tze Wei’s condition, (as Tze Wei insisted that he is fine) so that they can be prepared. Just as I expected, Tze Wei can take it no more and had to approach the instructors. I accompanied him step by step to the instructors. He had to stop after a few steps, as he pressed on his abdomen. When we finally made it, the instructors knew immediately what happened and took Tze Wei with them. I then made my way back to the tent. I took a last look at Tze Wei, “I’m sure he’ll be alright.”

Day 3 – Reaching the Climax

As usual, after our breakfast, we had more activities. To my surprise, Tze Wei seemed to have completely recovered. This day, we were supposed to climb the mountain. Thus, we set off in the morning after breakfast to the mountain. The trail was easy to walk at first. The ground was flat and there were many plants of various species. The air was refreshing and the forest is rather dense. Thus, we kept walking for hours. As we move along, the trail gets harder to walk. Roots of the plants were in our path and we had to navigate our way through carefully. There were slippery parts on the rocks and sometimes big puddles of water.

Along the way, there were many sightings that we could enjoy. There are tadpoles clustered together in puddles of water. Some trees have gigantic roots too. There is also a river where we had to cross to get to the other side.

When it is about lunch time, we brought out of tin boxes and started cooking instant noodles. Outdoor cooking is quite fun. Using two stones as support we had to change the fuel from time to time. In the end I did have a filling lunch.

After the trail, the most significant event that took place afterwards is the campfire. This is the event that most people were crazy about. The whole sec 2 cohort is very enthusiastic, even I am carried away by the encouraging atmosphere. Each group performed their cheers or acts and the place was getting hotter and hotter. This was the climax of the camp, and everyone cheered to their hearts content. Even after the event, the campfire still burns strong within our hearts.

Then, after the campfire, our instructors led us to a quieter corner. They spoke to us about what we had learnt and expressed the sorrows they felt that we had to be dismissed and go our separate ways the next day. It was a most magical night. Finally, the instructors decide to sing songs for us, perhaps as a farewell gift. As he spoke, I take a look at the sky. The night sky was beautiful; the beauty of the night lay in its silence. However, as our instructors sang their hearts out, the stars seemed to shuffle closer, the moon shone even brighter. They sang like angels, under the starry night sky. The atmosphere was perfect. I suddenly felt a strong sensation. The thought that I may not see them again is upsetting. I started recalling the things they done for us, buying us ice cream, telling jokes, caring for us. Tears slowly welled up in my eyes.

Other than the singing of our dear instructors, the only other sound was the silent weeping of some of our team, including me. Slowly, the night seemed to fall deeper, darker, the air, denser. They sang one song after another; our tears fell one after another. The words they sang meant nothing, it is the emotional value they put in their singing that touched us most deeply. With our eyes, still not dried, we were led back to our tents…

Day 4 – Memories stay forever

After a long cry last night, I felt better. After our breakfast, we were supposed to be dismissed. Our instructors led us to take group photos and promised to send us (Although I have not received them yet). Instructor Daniel also informed our group that we did not win the best group award and it was group 11 or something. We did not feel bad about it, and continued to take pictures. Our morale was very high.

It was a bright and sunny day, and very hot too. After photo taking session, the whole cohort sat and waited for the bus for hours. It was a long wait. When it is time to go, they finally announced the best group award. Surprisingly, they announced that our group won . Only then did we realize what an adept actor Instructor Daniel was. We received our medals with pride (even though it was really very light) and finally, were able to go home.

The camp was truly a one of a kind experience. The thing that I will never forget is that night when everyone cried. Our instructors had moved everyone’s heart. I will never forget them, Instructor Melvin and Daniel.

On the way to Singapore, I wrote some lyrics about our two dear instructors. It was a from a song called “Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You”

Those Little Memories

If it wasn’t fate that pull us into this team
Luck must play a major part
For you’re the best, the number one

You’ve shown us what we can achieve as a team.
All the care and love that’s shown to us
We’ll carve it in our hearts

The times you joke,
The times you cry
The times you pointed to the starry sky
Remember us, remember now
The times that we have been together

Even from the start, we are strangers
But through all these tough times we’ve stood together
The sweat and tears we’ve shed for each other
Far more real than these words could’ve stated

But the times had passed, it is over
No more jokes and songs, oh how I’ll miss them
We might no longer see each other but
Your words we will always remember

If we met along the streets, you and me
Amidst the tides of changes
How would that be like

Oh can you remember the times of laughter
Our tears as we bided farewell
Remember these special moments.
So let it fly let your soul fly
Soar up high as we bid goodbye

Remember us, remember now
The times that we have been together

Even from the start, we are strangers
But through all these tough times we’ve stood together
The sweat and tears we’ve shed for each other
Far more real than these words could’ve stated

But the times had passed, it is over
No more jokes and songs, oh how I’ll miss them
We might no longer see each other but
Your words we will always remember

Even from the start, we are strangers
But through all these tough times we’ve stood together
The sweat and tears we’ve shed for each other
Far more real than these words could’ve stated

But the times had passed, it is over
No more jokes and songs, oh how I’ll miss them
We might no longer see each other but
Your words we will always remember

Even from the start, we are strangers
But through all these tough times we’ve stood together
The sweat and tears we’ve shed for each other
Far more real than these words could’ve stated

But the times had passed, it is over
No more jokes and songs, oh how I’ll miss them
We might no longer see each other but
Your words we will always remember

To My Dear Instructors, Instructor Daniel and Instructor Melvin

abc

2008-06-08T00:51:00.002+08:00

is this the supposed quiz? i dno.... i checked jeanelli's blog so i think so. vicky blogs too much, so i can't find it anymore... yaya, i'm kinda lag.

10 random facts

1 ) I....I...I... seriously had sat here for 10 minutes, not knowing what to write. ok.. I like the colour blue.. especially sky blue.. the more bright ones... ya, and sea blue.. the darker ones of course.. ya. but not as dark as this ugly blue used by blogger, nor as light as turqoise.. ahhh.. smth like this "save now" button i can see below this box.

2) I drank before shampoo. Know what? i think when i'm 9 or 10. when i shower, i like to put shampoo on my lips, then slowly, i started to put them in my mouth. of course, this is to blog bubbles.. many many bubbles. keep blowing until no more come out. so i put more shampoo. sometimes a bath can take more than 30 minutes. bubble bath xDD. one day i accidentally drank a handful of shampoo. it was disgusting and i painstakingly blew out the last of those bubbles.

3) I don't really listen to chinese pop songs

4) I played dai di/ big 2, mahjong, labee...etc gambling games at the age of 8 or 9

5) I play arcade at the age of 7 and visit it at least once a week until i stopped playing as much at age 12.

6) errr......err....I like to write poems and lyrics.. which i think most of you know...

7) mmm..... OOH. i got a picture of myself wearing a red dress at age 3 - 4.

8) come on... three more..i'm the tallest in my family. (and the heaviest)

9) i never followed fashion, nor have i ever " seen fashion" (so i know nothing of fashion)

10) my hair sometimes stand up after i wake up and will remain at that position unless i bathe.

Nobody else to tag.

Those little memories

2008-05-29T19:31:00.004+08:00

This is just some lyrics that I wrote about the camp, on my way back. My instructors really moved me, that night was so magical. To us all, parting with them evoked much tears. I shall never forget this camp....especially that night.

Those Little Memories

If it wasn’t fate that pull us into this team
Luck must play a major part
For you’re the best, the number one

You’ve shown us what we can achieve as a team.
All the care and love that’s shown to us
We’ll carve it in our hearts

The times you joke,
The times you cry
The times you pointed to the starry sky
Remember us, remember now
The times that we have been together

Even from the start, we are strangers
But through all these tough times we’ve stood together
The sweat and tears we’ve shed for each other
Far more real than these words could’ve stated

But the times had passed, it is over
No more jokes and songs, oh how I’ll miss them
We might no longer see each other but
Your words we will always remember

If we met along the streets, you and me
Amidst the tides of changes
How would that be like

Oh can you remember the times of laughter
Our tears as we bided farewell
Remember these special moments.
So let it fly let your soul fly
Soar up high as we bid goodbye

Remember us, remember now
The times that we have been together

Even from the start, we are strangers
But through all these tough times we’ve stood together
The sweat and tears we’ve shed for each other
Far more real than these words could’ve stated

But the times had passed, it is over
No more jokes and songs, oh how I’ll miss them
We might no longer see each other but
Your words we will always remember

Even from the start, we are strangers
But through all these tough times we’ve stood together
The sweat and tears we’ve shed for each other
Far more real than these words could’ve stated

Even from the start, we are strangers
But through all these tough times we’ve stood together
The sweat and tears we’ve shed for each other
Far more real than these words could’ve stated

But the times had passed, it is over
No more jokes and songs, oh how I’ll miss them
We might no longer see each other but
Your words we will always remember

Even from the start, we are strangers
But through all these tough times we’ve stood together
The sweat and tears we’ve shed for each other
Far more real than these words could’ve stated

To My Dear Instructors, Instructor Daniel and Instructor Melvin.
(adapted from Nothing’s gonna change my love for you)

spare a thought

2008-05-08T22:27:00.002+08:00

we say that everybody's different. everyone's unique in their own way. but i see there is a basic sameness in everyone. the emotional setbacks we will suffer.. not all our experiences will be the same. no, that is impossible. but others, generally. we will feel ups and downs. there is always a peak and the lowest point.i guesss.. everyone's the same huh. but we can't say this way, everybody's different some may argue. but what i refer here is life's experience, we genrally experience the same thing. you may say no, there's nurses, teachers, outdoor adventurers. lots of different jobs and futures. but can you deny the fact that we will suffer setbacks in life? can you work all your way to the top without obstacles, or can you even do so without falling down the deep pit of life? no, that won't be true. life is fair, fair in the sense he treats everyone equally. yea that's life. everyone's different but similar in some ways. and life will make sure of that

On my own

2008-04-27T17:29:00.002+08:00

it is not within my control
to cease my fear upon reality
it is not my choice
to go against the setbacks of life
I fear, I'm scared
what they can do to me
either hone me or polish me
to a sharper diamond, a harder stone
but what if they did it so hard
my life is shattered and so do my heart
Can i not face them? No
Life is cruel and so it is
We are not in charged
it is predestinied
we came to this world
to fight for our survival
not us alone
not humans only
so do other living things
Every living things.
We cannot expect or even hope for
gold from above or luck, always
It always turns the other way
and we ahve no choice but to turn as well
Someone, something all told me
face the setbacks positively
but truely, I am not strong enough
at least till now I am not sure
If the day ever comes
If the moment ever arrive
what can I do to stand strong and firm
what can I do to not succumb to fate
what CAN I do to not give up the fight.
but it had not happened
it is just a imagination
i'm lying to myself
but which line of mine is lying
maybe i am lying
all these words
but they all came from my heart
without a second thought
So it must be it
my heart is lying
lying in a pool of blood
made red by my foolish thoughts
Let me stand strong
face the world like you've never seen before
Fight like warriors
fierce as tigers
we are born to fight
every single one of us
to fight the fate
and turn the tides
we can control our life
we will choose our paths
if one man's not enough
then two should be
fight back fate's decision
against the heavens!
To challenge superiority
a foolish or brave act
no one knows
though many succeed
i guess it depends on your strength
but still on luck
luck is uncertain elements
when one cannot be explain
luck comes into play
but do they really exists?
they are just man's names
names are fleeting
I want to strive, work hard
pursue my dream, win hard
succeed in life, become strong
fight the rest, be the best
but they are all dreams
if I fail a test
just a minor one will do
i can say to myself
next time we'll try harder
If i fail an exam
a major one too
i'm not sure what will happen
will i say to myself
let this be a lesson
and let these feelings of anger be reserved
change them to motivation, to vengeance
rememeber them, and do harder
or will I be to weak to try
too sad, never out of this circle
I will be going in circles
trying find a consolation
by then i would be deemed
the weak, the useless, the nothing
it is hard to stand strong
to stay firm on hard ground
i just hope life will not be too cruel to me
i cannot withstand great setbacks
i am weak, useless, nothing.
nothing....i am nothing......
gosh.... i wish there would be someone for me there...
i really do, fate is so strong, i cannot overpower
i want to give up, and forget
perhaps forsake everyone and go to somewhere else
somewhere you will all never find me
until.....
NO, I DUN WANT TO
I WILL FIGHT
I WANT TO FIGHT
I WANT TO WIN
NEVER GIVE UP, YEH?
OK FINE, I FAIL THIS ONE
I GET ANOTHER ONE
FAIL AGAIN, DO ANOTHER JOB
THERE WILL BE A WAY
NOT ALL SUCCESSFUL PERSON HAS A MASTER DEGREE
SO WHAT, I CAN START MY OWN BUSINESS
YES, THIS ARE ALL JUST CONSOLATION.
BUT LET ME TELL YOU WHAT, FATE
I SHALL NOT SUCCUMB
WE ALL AHVE GREAT POWER
UNREALISED IN OUR BODY
WHAT MOTIVATION AND INSPIRATION BRINGS US
IS ALL JUST PART OF THE POWER
POWER CAN BE GRANTED
BY OURSELVES AND ONLY OURSELVES
I DUN CARE IF I WIN OR LOSE
I DUN CARE IF YOU CARE OR NOT
I WILL FIND MY OWN PIECE OF LAND
I WILL FIGHT FOR MY RIGHT TO STAND
FIRM AND STRONG, MY OWN GROUND
BUT NOW, IT IS IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EXAM
SNAP OUT OF IT, JASMON
IT IS TOO LATE.
YOU LABELLED WRONG THE QUESTION
FINE, FORGET IT. YOU MIGHT FAIL
BUT THOSE HAD PASSED
IF YOU KEEP ON THINKING SO DAMN NEGATIVELY
YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL ALL THE OTHERS TOO
WANT A NEW START?
WANT TO GO IP TO IMPROVE?
GOOD, NOW WORK FOR IT
DUN BE SO LAZY
FORGET THOSE GOD DAMN ENTERTAINMENTS
YOU NEED THOSE? FINE, TAKE SOME
DUN TAKE ALL
YOU STILL HAVE TO PREPARE
FORGET THE PAST ON WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WRONG
PERHAPS LIFE WILL NOT BE SO CRUEL
YOU NEVER KNOW
HE CAN BE YOUR FRIEND, HE CAN BE YOUR ENEMY
HE WEARS MASK, SO DUN TRUST HIM TOO MUCH
YOU HAVE YOURSELF TO TRUST, WHY ASK FOR MORE,
DUN BE GREEDY
JUST FOCUS ON YOUR FUTURE
THE STRONG FORGETS HIS PAST
DOES NOT PLACE IMPORTANCE ON THE PERSENT
AND LOOK FORWARD AND PLAN FOR THE FUTURE
THE FUTURE LIES AHEAD
AS LONG AS I AM WILLIGN TO CHANGE
TO CHARGE
TO CHALLENGE
TO FIGHT
EVEN IF I FAIL
I HAVE NO REGRETS
AND UNTIL THE DAY I DIE
UNTIL THAT DAY COMES
BEFORE THAT, I WILL FOREVER FIGHT
UNTIL I SUCCEED
LIFE DOESN'T CARE FOR ANYONE
I AM ON MY OWN
AND FROM THIS DAY ON
I SHALL BE ON MY OWN
NO ONE TAKES CHARGE OF MANAGING MY EMOTIONS
NO ONE CAN CHANGE IT
I SHALL DO IT ON MY OWN
THIS MANAGEMENT
I WILL MAKE SURE
I WILL FIGHT
COME ON, AS LONG AS CAN STILL LEARN
I WILL KEEP LEARNING,
SETBACKS ARE TEMPORARY
WE ALL WILL SUFFER FROM IT
BUT I WILL GROW FROM IT
EVERY LITTLE ONE TEACHES A LESSON
THE STRONG WILL LEARN FROM THE LESSON
THE STRONG WILL ADVANCE IN THE FACE OF DIFFICULTIES
YEH
AND LET THIS BE A REMINDER TO ME
ALWAYS, FOREVER

A quiz ripped from dingyi's blog. 05 June, 2007

2008-04-19T00:40:00.002+08:00

[ ] you have to make your bed everyday
[ ]you have to do chores
[ ]you have a time that you have to get off the phone and the com
[ ]you have a bedtime
[ ]you have to earn your money
[ ]you cant have friends over unless your room is clean
[ ]you cant have a boyfriend ( yay, so, I’m supposed to be gay in this quiz?)
[ ]you cant be friends with someone unless your parents know them
TOTAL:0
[ ]you cant go shopping by your own
[ ]your mom tells you what to wear
[ ]you have to look for 'good deals' on clothes or esle you cant buy it
TOTAL:0
[ ]you get grounded for stupid things
[ ]you have a time limit for the com/tv/video games
[ ]you have to get along with your siblings otherwise you get grounded
[ ]you have to share your room
TOTAL:0
[ ]you have to ask to go to a party/friends house a few days in advance
[ ]you cant go anywhere without a parent/adult
[ ]you cant stay home alone
[ ]you have a babysitter
TOTAL:0
[ ]you are not allowed to have a tv/gaming system in your room
[ ]you cant use the com unless you have someone watching your every move
[ ]you cant have a door at your bedroom
TOTAL:0
[ ]your parents get mad when you dun wanna do simple things they ask
[ ]you cant swim without an adult watching over you
[ ]you cant have a friend of opposite sex over unless they are part of the family
TOTAL:0
multiply total by 8:
0x8=0%

my parents have 0% of control over my life. Oh wells, guess i'm quite free eh? to do whatever I want. But i still manage my time well, for homework and gaming. This is all part of being independant right? Btw, I had been screeeeeeeeening through dingyi's previous posts, up to June last year. can't believe still can trace back until so long lars. but then, as i scroll up, i saw many posts, esp pictures, that i still remember. i can still rememebr the day it happened, the atmosphere, and the time i see it in her blog. memories takes a long time to fade away, but when it does, you will not even be aware of it

serious

2008-04-17T20:13:00.002+08:00

The exams are approaching, all that effort that we had put in on the previous terms, shall be put to the test.There is no time for play, no time for relaxing, no time for games. we all know the consequences of not doing well, we all know what we came to this school for. We know our goals, no one can alter that nor can anyone distract us from our main goal.

It is time to be serious.

人生之论 24/3/08 14岁

2008-03-24T15:19:00.004+08:00

其实，即使人生之路有多么坎坷，总得分出一些时间享受吧？对，课业的确重要，但也不至于每天夙兴夜寐，就为了能够在考试时应付得了吧？没有人说过付出的努力相同于得到的成绩！我只是抽出一点时间，放松。每个人都得有一个能放松的时间，不然他迟早也会疯掉。更何况我才十四岁，难道就不能给我一点幻想的空间，让我抱着那一丝、一小撮的希望，我还可以为了快乐而生活，还可以享受这世界赐予我的童真。

但是，时代变了，也许是步伐变快了，也许是我太眷恋过去，不想跟这人潮盲目地走。人，打一生下来，肯定没有什么目标吧？我们的目标是他人所定的，可以说是命运安排的。每个人在每一个社会都有不一样的人生目标。若你注定在新加坡这种“花园”城市出生，那你做好为未来找一份好工作，从早忙到晚，为了将来会在生活中出现的多几张未喂饱的口做好准备。若你执意要用这一生追求事业上的成功，那就随便你。但没有人可以改变我们的人生目标。有多少人以知足常乐活在世上为人生目标？又有多少人能够抛开世俗，抛开金钱带来的诱惑。还有多少人，为了逃避现实，自认：“看破红尘”而又跑到寺庙当一辈子的和尚。

或许是我错了，或许我不对。人活在世上不为他人而活，不为金钱而活，不为快乐而活。只为不远的将来，也就是人生的最高点，做好准备，其他的一切，等到人已老矣，再去后悔多少年前，为何没想过，人生的最终到底是为了什么而活。远远地望着堆积如山的，满满的公积金，但心里却觉得空虚。也许是我错了，我错了。人生到底也不过如此。

yay

2008-03-09T00:49:00.001+08:00

ok... if i dun blog, my blog will rot away. but i got nothing much to say. haha.
so.. treat this as an update! @.@ will update better infomation soon

2008-02-16T17:42:00.002+08:00

Great, today i lost my handphone. damn those thieves. a glance away for 10 minutes and it is gone. and damn the police. i go there accompany my friend to report(he also lost) and you had to give a stupid lecture which i wasn't even interested to listen in the first place. damn him, i wasted my time listening to some dumb lecture. i dun even give a damn. i am sad enough to lose the phone and he had to make worse my mood by giving a stupid lecture. what's more, they play a song called "bad day" . what, to mock everyone here making a report having a bad day? stupid.

another of my poems

2008-02-10T20:21:00.000+08:00

The boy

Perhaps life just wasn’t meant to be
And forever long, I’ll still be me
Leading a life where happiness hitch
Just over the rainbow, beyond my reach

I’ll never forget the last few days
When I can still see the bright sun rays
When joy and laughter is still around
And I can still hug the earthly ground

Will those days ever turn back and see
The drenched, sad, pitiful me
Then maybe at some point in time
They’ll open up and embrace me in their arms

These are all dreams of a child
A child who walked miles and miles
A child who hardly played a toy
The same child who’ll forget what is joy

And here I lay, up in the attic
Above all others, but beneath her feet
Embracing the darkness that falls within
Searching for hope that is still unseen

Days ahead are dark
Life without any sparks
Love chills my heart
Friendships never start

Where heaven lay,
Where my parents stay
Where I should have gone
Where my heart won’t be torn

Thus, with a nail in my hand
Bit by bit, I carved out my stand
The story of a young, unwanted boy
who hardly ever, experienced joy

And thus concludes my life long theory
Life wasn’t meant to be easy

quiz

2008-02-06T23:22:00.000+08:00

this is the quiz i requested from vicky, yay. thanks vicky.

Who was the last person to call you?
han xiang
`What is your relationship status?
depends on what relationship. Let’s see, I am friends with my dog, in fact, good friends. I’m the best friend of my computer. I am the son of my parents, brother of my sisters…bah, so many complicated relationships
`Has anyone ever sang to you?
I guess so. In primary school, the whole school sang national anthem towards me,( I give the commands and stand in front of them) so I guess someone did.
`Has anyone ever given you roses? When?
well…. If I receive roses…that will feel weird..
`If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?yes, I’ll be in the wild desert right beside las vegas
`Who do you text the most today?
xin rui, my pri sch friend. Cuz she dunno how to go back to the pri sch, then need my help. dumb
`What does your last incoming text say?
from 子伟. I type out the whole thing hor. DISCLAIMER: kids or innocent ones, please dun look at the following message: “祝福你性年快乐。万事如一。性想色成。大鸡大粒。色色乳依。精液满堂。鸡香入浴。黏黏有遗。。大弟挥春。。大家…财。不好意思，华语不好.哈哈^^”
`What does your last outgoing text say?
(to tze wei) You….
`What is your favorite color?
blue
`What color are your eyes?
black
`How tall are you?
176 cm
`Who was the last person to say they miss you and when?
dunno, I dun think there is anyone
`Do you like your parents?
sorta…. Just…they give me quite a lot of stress
`Do you secretly like someone?
mmm… no
`Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?
probably my previous life
`Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
malaysia
`Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
eat while sleeping
`Do you look more like your mom or your
or your what?
`Are you flexible?
of course, why. Just take me as a piece of wood, that is my flexibility
`What movie do you want to see?
beowulf
`What did you do on New Years eve 2007?
forget. I want to change the question to 2008. which is today. Well… let’s see.. I updated my blog with this quiz… I went to play mahjong. And I lost 30 cents. Sad, least I avoided the fate of losing 10 dollars like my auntie. Ah ha, bleah
`Was your mom a cheerleader?
omg… I can’t imagine her in tight wears with the pompom thing
`Can you speak any other language besides English?
完全不会
`How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
4, slept at 1, woke at 5, go to sch then
`Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
yawn….. no. I am prepared to get killed in car accident. Yawn…. Which will least likely happen. Yawn.. jkjk
`Are you scared of flying?
gimme wings and demonstrate. If you dun die, then I not scared
`Is your hair curly or straight?
abundance
`Do you have any tatoos?
no
`Do you like funny people or serious people?
both. I like ppl like gerontius and sinfai
`Have you ever been to Los Angeles?
nor
`What jewelry do you wear all the time?
I like eating watermelons
`What are your plans for tonight?
dun sleep
`What is your favorite song at the moment?
national anthem
`What song do you HATE?
national anthem( right after the previous question, I remembered it is in malay)=P
`Do you like chocolate?
so so. So many oil
`Are you easy to get along with?
I am not that social, but if I meet a stranger, I’ll be very polite and gracious
`Are you a happy person?
no, I dun think so.
`Any upcoming events you're excited about?
playing another round of mahjong

诗

2008-01-18T23:15:00.001+08:00

年少误采情花根
花落之瓣赠僧人
惜是情梦寻宝藏
情怀花开仙人掌

其实，我写的这首诗的意思并不是很深奥，在我看来还挺浅白的。跟其他的事相比之下，我倒认为我的比起他们的逊色不知有好几倍呢。

不过，基本上来说，若你照着那个字慢慢译出来，就差不多是这样了。
第一句：年少也就是当一个人非常年轻时，采情花根指的就是爱情。情指爱情而采那朵情花根指的就是陷入一时的爱河。但是根也就是个根源所在。既然连根拔起，那花也不会活很久了。这是第一个爱很快会枯萎的暗示。

第二句：花落之瓣本是花的一部分。既然它送给人，那就是他表白了，像那个个人共向她对他的情。但是，却是送给僧人。僧本是不谈情说爱的，那么，给了僧人，你说女孩的爱情会得到报答吗？不会。这有部分是要强调不要选错对象也在强调爱情不是每次都能得到回报的。

第三句：这只是一个很简单的表达方法。主要是在讲两件事。既然是寻宝藏，那我们都知道宝藏难找，在梦里逊是根本不可能的。因此，这句话是在批评那个爱情就如水中捞月，没有结果。另一点是在说明两人之间不相配，便也强调了之前那一点。既然是情梦，那又为何要寻宝呢？说明了两者之间的互相矛盾。

第四句：情，明显是指那两个人之间的爱情，但在这个例子，我并没有提到男方对女方有没有情。但是，为什么说花开仙人掌呢？那是因为仙人掌开花的时期不久，或许几分钟，几个小时，谁也说不准。这最后一句也是要强调第一句的重点：“这种爱情是不会长久的。”

而我说那么多，你猜我是说那种爱情呢？现在我告诉了你诗的意思，你知道我整体是在说什么吗？我是反对还是支持爱情呢？反映了我对社会上青少年之间的爱情的什么观点？若你有注意的话，也许你会想思考这些问题

2008-01-13T15:43:00.001+08:00

i'm back with more pictures

featuring JOanne, Vicky, Eunice and our BELovEd Yello...oops i mean huang lao shi!

haha, hope she doesn't sees this @.@

5

2008-01-06T11:46:00.000+08:00

ok, sorry. i put hanxiang's one instead of sinfai. so now, down to 4 faces and i dun feel like seeing the message again. so. too bad

above is han xiang, below is xueli. in the middle is these words

this is yvonne sah, or yvonne sand, or kill yvonne or blah blah blah. dunno what is this expression, mmmm...let me remember.... oh. is it the time she tried to act cute?

hey, chubin. why did you pay extra money to the barber to let him shave your head to a flat top? nowadays is like so expensive lor, you got cheated of your money

ok, since someone teach me i can post 5 photos at once, i shall try

as you can see, this are faces of five diffferent people in our class.

Ok, fine, five pictures, five faces, five commas, thats all for today. Goodbye everyone. As i am typing, this it is still uploading. wonder if it takes five times the amount of time to upload one image? fine, whatever, this draft autosaved thing, everytime i type one sentence and stop for a

while it must activate itself. zzzz.... i still want to eat my lunch.... faster leh......

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Your images are being uploaded to Blogger.

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2007-12-31T06:31:00.000+08:00

嗨，大家好。这一年大家都应该过得很充实吧，因为不久，我们即将迎接新的一年，新的开始。回想一下今年，我结交了不少朋友，也长大了一点儿。俗话说：“旧的不去，新的不来。”但是，要真做出来。还真有点儿困难。要我抛下过去的回忆，挥手向过去对我和蔼可亲的老师告别，以及多一个珍贵的童年，真让我感到依依不舍。不过，也不是抛下所有的旧回忆，事物。不管怎么说，也一定会保留些的。就像中一的朋友，他们将伴我度过至少多一个童年。啊......童光飞逝，岁月无情，剥夺了又一个美好的童年。但人总是要向前看，面对将来。一个人不能在过去逗留太久，要不然就会失去勇往直前的冲劲。既然都已经过去了，还是把一切都放下吧。悲伤往事不再提，只盼幸福再重逢......

所谓：“一年之计在于春”那么我就说一下明年其中十个目标吧。
1. 考好成绩，继续维持在前十名中，或者考上初院。
2. 在各方面的人际关系处理能进步，同时拥有更多宝贵的知识
3. 把弹吉他的技术搞好，也至少能对自己有个交代。
4. 把日语学好，至少能到能与我父亲沟通的地步。
5. 成功并易如反掌的控制自己的情绪，降低突如其来的情绪更动的几率。
6. 学会在适当时刻放手，放松。也学会怎么在适当时候集中注意力。
7. 多运动，强身健体
8. 希望能维持友谊，不向朋友发泄，也不和任何朋友翻脸。
9. 希望自信心是从内发自外，并且一直保持客观的态度，以及坚韧的意志。
10. 对任何人都有礼貌，尊敬。但是依然能说笑，逗他人。

好吧，我就说到这里吧，不过......我从未试过写华文的诗。请大家在这一首诗上自由言论，无论褒贬我都乐意接受。

爱情莫若知己情
谈心游世皆友伴
知己心若如己心
情深情重情生情

more photos

2007-12-24T01:28:00.000+08:00

that is liu lao shi with us in science center. she is pregnant at that time. awww... this post just took me 30 minutes. ok, i'll post more next time. stay tuned

hey that's me with my tissue paper, typical. hey i bet with you, I TOOK THE PICTURE. who believes? who believes?dare to bet with me? i'll bet nothing and your minimum bet is 1 dollar

O.o sinfai is upside down. just so you know, he raised his left hand with a watch

oh and this is Clarissa! eh... is it me or does she look kinda not so straight, like she bent behind or something. got a weird feeling looking at this photo.... yea...and behind her is actually the entrance to zhong shan hui guan. we kinda got locked out the firt ti

This is EUNICE. obvious eh? btw, she took this photo herself. yea, that's the time when we went out as a group to find our hui guan. next up are more of our group's photo. mmm, why is it horizontal, i dun understand... fa hai's one is not leh.

can you notice? some.....whereeeee, o..ve...r. the rain.....bowwwww, ok, perhaps below, hey, there 's a school building!

awww... look at his hand, how straight and right in the middle. thanks to me. this one is much clearer.

yes, i know is blur. i'm now getting fed up of waiting for the images to be loaded

How many of you guys still remember this cute little picture over here? make up is done by jing xiang, hong yi and etc

this is my dog, snowy. breed : Maltese. Gender : Male . now compare, which one is cuter.

this is Eunice's dog, furby. breed: shitzu. gender : female

as you can see, this is the first ever recorded masterpiece of a photo showing a terracotta soldier in a supernatural colour and uniform and even with a spectacle. amazing isn't it. comes in "UpsiZe" too

yea, i learnt to type between images. just need to do this when image finally arrived. first step: press enter. second step: press backspace.third step: press down. fourth step: type something, there you got it. btw, this is an image i took when we got class chalet. as you can see, there are...how many girls?

as you can see, if you can ever notice who. these are the killers of my handphone. they killed my hp.T_T, and the dumb hp still got problems. dumb phone

OMG miraculously i learnt how to type between images. but these dumb images had to be uploaded one by one

ok... i dunno how to continue posting... let' s try again

it'll take me a decade to upload all these dumb images.

photos

2007-12-24T01:23:00.000+08:00

i'm trying to post photos for the first time. @_@

awww...dumb me

2007-12-11T07:53:00.000+08:00

hello~ I felt SO elated. while changing my skin this time. I Accidentally, carelessly, stupidly, retardedly, clumsily, went to press SAVE CHANGES. and so, since i haven't actually saved my codes. MY CODES ARE NOW OFFICIALLY LOST. ALL OF THEM.awww....... anyone can sponsor me codes on links? pri sch sponsor pri sch one, sec sch sponsor sec sch ones. pls. is not as if you are sponsoring my money. (and so now i had to beg for codes. ) :(

quiz

2007-12-07T18:23:00.000+08:00

ok, another quiz, dun get bored by these stuffs. just ot clear away that moody previous post, so i got this quiz. credits goes to dingyi, but more would go to vicky. i really think fiona should go get a blog instead of just replying tags everywhere, we can go and talk to her instead of she coming around. but i still prefer more taggers

favourites

colour: Blue
food: Fish, yeh, I like steamed red garoupa
movie: brother bear (is a nice movie really, I love the music)
sport:ermm….soccer?
day: no favourite day
ice cream: I rarely eat ice cream, but , oh well. Coffee flavour

currents

mood: bored, relaxed
clothes: shirt and pants
desktop: …?
time: 6.11,53sec p.m.
surrounding: bedroom
annoyance: the blog song of dingyi, where I just ripped this quiz, which originated from vicky

first

best friend:pr 5
crush:forgot/dun want to say
movie: eh? 7 years or 8 years bah
lie: 5 years old. I said to my mum I got last in class when I got first in class
music:forgot sia

last

drink: water
car ride: taxi, errr days ago
crush: …
phone call: I call arh? Dunno, long time never call ppl le
cd played: let’s see, the cd where I installed my webcam software today morning 4 o’ clock

have you ever

dated one of your good friends: yep, my best friend to the movie, actually to buy his present
broken the law: the same old “eat on the bus” can anything get more boring than this
been arrested:I think you’d be arrested before me
been on tv: yeh, for the young director’s chair thing
kissed someone you don't know: I bet you did., not me though

random 5 things you are good at
-writing poems
-playing games
-find information
-stay up late without falling asleep, nor get caught
-acting, pretending, lying or whatever you call it

4 things you have done today
-Stroke my dog
-replied tags and blogged
-install my webcam, hey last night after midnight is today right?
-yawn

3 things you can hear right now
-dingyi’s annoying blogsong kept repeating
-someone below shouting HI
-my dog barking

mood

2007-12-03T18:14:00.000+08:00

I just felt like typing out. I dunno, it's just like...well...do you ever have this feeling when you feel lonely, no one to talk to, just ..empty. i guess this should be common at our age, we all have something to be upset about. is not like the grown-ups all say, you should be content with what you have. is not true, i'm sure we all longed for smth, but in our age, i guess we will become more sensitive. oh, where did this lead. i was trying to talk about myself. sigh.... i guess i now know the reason why i like disney cartoons and movies. they always have a happy ending, and when i watch, i became absorbed in their land, and for sometime, i am completely into their land. they are kinda like a drug, that pulls me in, and helped me forget everything for a short while.

I guess i already have this feeling since i am in P5, when my mum start working and i had to stay in a house on my own for 7 hours. I know 7 hours seemed short, but, it feels different when you are alone at home. I used to talk to myself a lot of times, just thinking, not really speaking. talking about my own emotions, issues in the sense like political, social, or games, or even this. when i talk to myself, is like, there's a voice in my head, but i never got replies or answers. perhaps that is what made me felt alone or empty. i can never talk to my dog, i dunno why, it just felt stupid and it will not help.

To me, there are like a lot of different "world" or another "myself". When i am watching television with my family, or going out with friends, or playing games by myself, or on msn, or staying home doing nothing but write poems. they are all different worlds. sometiems i felt playful, sometimes quiet, sometimes determined,sometimes violent and full of vengeance, sometimes just sensitive and emotional. in each world, there seems to be one or two specific code of behaviours that always came out, naturally. i guess, many of you should share the same sort of feeling and thoughts as me?

in the past, when i am at home, and no one is around. i just felt like crying, or doing something to calm myself. once, i even tried to throw things, but lucky that did not spoil anything, but times,i just cried, and felt better after that. now, in sec sch, i did not really always experience these, guess i am too busy.

in each "world" or even with different persons, i sometimes will react differently like i mentioned before. there are times when i react differently and wrongly and may result in getting someone hurt, usually not physically. it feels kinda magical, not in a wonderful sense, to think of how i reacted in different situations. i guess, in this "world" i am more clearer and is able to reflect on my own actions.

i think i felt better now....i'll go to try to improve on my mood.

inspirations and hope

2007-12-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

please tag in the tagbox to tell me your views on these poems

poems describing my view of what are
inspirations and hope

a sparkle of light
above the sticks
when night falls deep
sparkles increase
but that's not all
there's still more
when one turns to three
and three turns to eigth
soon there will be
a fire in the cave

in a deep, dark place
damp, and foul
bones crushed
twigs snapped
lost in the mind
scared out of wits
but, with a flicker of light
they woke the spirit
the spirit of hope
beneath the skin
he rushed to the light
determined to see more
and there he stood
in a fresh, bright place

in a midst of blue
nothing else in sight
he searched his mind
for a clue of where he is
but nothing to be found.
he looked at the vast,wide place
surrounded by fear
beset by exhaustion
then, in the pupil of his eye
he saw a seagull fly
a circuit if formed
in the back of his head
a light bulb is lit!
he swam to the direction
where the seagull thrived
then a little green dot appear
out of the blue.

anohter quiz from vicky. thanks to vicky

2007-11-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

yeh, this quiz form vicky again. thus, since i ripped from vicky, i would always put her name as the 1st one. ain't i just being so grateful
Name 20 people and do the quiz.
1) Vicky
2) Eunice
3) Sinfai
4)Clarissa
5) Jing Ren
6) Dingyi
7) Sing Yan
8) Gerontius
9) Han Xiang
10) Teresa
11) Wingyin
12) Daniel
13) Mr Chia
14 Huang lao shi
15) Jia wen
16) Yvonne Sah
17) Sally
18) Jeanelli
19) Jing Xiang
20) Chu Bin

1.How did you meet No. 14?
in a wonderful place, where flowers and trees prospered,with a greenish lake with sea monster that resembles a snake, and that place is given the name of chungcheng, which is a poor translation.
2.What would you do if you have never met No. 1?
I wouldn’t be doing nothing, as without her, I won’t be doing this quiz
3.What would you do if No. 20 and No. 9 dated?
I will use a recorder and record down all the vulgarities they hauled at each other
4.Would No. 6 and No. 17 make a good couple?
nope. Birds ain’t supposed to be with humans
5.Describe No. 3.
ehhh….complicated sia. At first he seems so cheery, but now he seems more troubled
6.Do you think No.8 is attractive?
huh? Who you talking to? Me? Dun be spastic
7.Tell me something about No.13.
BIG
8.Do you know anything about No. 12's family?
nothing
9.What's No. 10's favourite?
dunno? Her crush or bf, in the name of (forgot), she mentioned in chalet
10.What would you do if No. 11 confessed that he/she likes you?
I would say, NO I’m NOT A GIRL. jkjk (I’ll be so dead if she sees this)
11.What language does No. 8 speak?
perfect english
12.Who is No. 18 going out with?
how would I know
13.What is your relationship with No.16 and how old is he/she now?
she’s my friend, and she is 12 years old, gg to be 13
14.When was the last time you talked to No. 13?
can msn chat? If that’s so, I guess last week
15 .Who's No. 2's favourite singer?
dunno. Cascada?
16.Would you date No. 4?
hmmm…..would consider if I am older
17.Would you date No. 14?
hmmm…. Would consider if I am very old
18.Is No. 15 single?
yar
19.What's No. 10's last name?
Liew
20.Would you ever consider being in a relationship with No. 9?
awww…that’s a good question. I guess we are already in a relationship, FRIENDS relationship.
21.What school does No. 3 go to?
like, I said a wonderful school, in a wonderful place, where flowers and trees prospered,with a greenish lake with sea monster that resembles a snake, and that place is given the name of chungcheng, which is a poor translation.
22.Where does No. 4 live?
wait….i remember de...ermm….. awww.. my memory so bad meh. Is it bedok or pasir ris
23.What is the favourite thing about No. 6?
the favourite thing about No.6? I dun understand what you mean
24.What do you think about No. 13?
slu…better not use that word. PERVERTIC, yeh, that’s the word. Considering the fact h tried to SEDUCE me in the chalet
25.What do No. 3 and No. 20 have in common?
spastic

tag quiz

2007-11-24T11:57:00.000+08:00

according to the rules of the theme, people who are tagged must write 7 weird things about themselves and then choose 7 people to tag. don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1.when I have inspiration,I like to write poems/essays just for self-amusement
2. I like to eat all kinds of seafood, but just hate cod fish, I think they taste weird, makes me feel like throwing up
3.I’m actually afraid of butterflies, and might suddenly run away if I see one
4. I’m sorta scared of plants, and wouldn’t feel like touching them
5. I like to bring a lot of tissues with me
6.sometimes I sleepwalk, well….though is sometime ago le… but 3 years ago, when I am sleeping on those tall beds with staircase, I slepp walk, down the staircase and fell, then I woke up with a bump head on the last staircase
7i enjoy conversations that were knowledge-based, on a specific topic,like orbits, reincarnation, Microsoft. But I also enjoy gossips

The other seven (who cares if others had chosen it before or not)
Yvonne sah
Jia wen
Jia hang
Jing ren
Singyan
Dingyi
1 RP (YAY)

quiz

2007-11-14T19:53:00.000+08:00

got another quiz. this is the lazy way of updating, or posting lyrics. got from dingyi's blog

HOW EMO ARE YOU test.
[ ] I like skinny jeans (I wear those that fits my size)
[x] Music is life (different music shows you different aspects of life, how true)
[x] I write poetry/song lyrics.(I only wrote before poems. 10 in total, until now)
[ ] My hair covers part of my face (I dun want get caught by dm)
[ ] I wear band shirts(what? School concert band? Never got my hands on those)
[ ] I know who Jeffree Star is.(oh yeh! Is a kind of star in the UNIVERSE)
[ ] I wear/wore converse.(prefer reebok)
[ ] I wear/wore vans.(you can wear a van? Gosh, my vocab is so not up to standard)
[ ] I wear/wore eyeliner (no knowledge with regards to cosmetics)
[ ] I have/had my lip pierced (for what? Infection?)
[ ] I listen to Saves The Day, Emanual, and Saliva. (my saliva dun speak)
total= 2

[ ] I’m in a band. (that also emo meh)
[ ] My screen name had an x in it (what is screen name)
[ ] I like My Chemical Romance (I prefer linkin park)
[x] I also like Green Day (only know one song, American idiot)
[ ] I know what mosh means. (only know what is mush,mesh)
[ ] I sit in corners often. (that’s weird, my corner too many dust, sit there I sneeze)
[x] I hate MTV.[ ] I take pictures of myself a lot.(I’m not egotistic)
[ ] Especially ones where you can’t see my whole face. (my filming and picture taking skills are better than these)
total = 4

[ ] I am lost without a cd player/my iPod/mp3 (not as if they are a compass or map)
[ ] I have/had thick rimmed glasses.(perfect eyesight)
[x] I have no issues with bi/gay people (they are humans after all. We are all the same)
[x] I hate the president. (xxxxxxxxx country’s president is the most silent president in the world, and yet with the highest pay -my opinion. Guess what country is that. Yeh, not naming the country’s name for safety reasons)
[ ] I have/had a mohawk.
[ ] I’ve worn black nail polish. (I’m not singyan. But either way, singyan won’t do it either)
[ ] I like slipknot. (????)
[x] I hate where I live. (think high, dream high, aim high. But I only live on 3rd floor)
[x] Black is a great color (NO COLOUR IS NOT GREAT)
total= 8

[x] Right now I am listening to music. (I just ripped this from dingyi’s blog, so got her blog music)
[ ] I know what hxc and sxc means.(mathematical symbols?)
[ ] Myspace = love (no, different units and completely different things with no measurable ratios couldn’t be an equation)
[x] Hot Topic doesn’t scare me. (I ‘m not scared of the topic “hot”)
[x] I wear/wore studded belts.
[ ] I’ve cried while listening to Hawthorne Heights.(YES I AM CRYING NOW. Not)
[ ] For Girls: I have kissed another.
[ ] For Guys: I have worn girls jeans.(do I look pervertic)
[ ] I have dyed my hair black.(yeh, for what?)
[x] I cry a lot (erm…. I did cried before, this year like 2 -3 times, that ain’t many right?)
[x] I write on myself. (tried, and never did again)
[x] I’ve been called emo before (yeh! I was acting though….)total= Multiply your result by 3
11 x 3 = 33%

yay, i am only 33 % emo. this is also my 33th post. yay. what's the definition of emo anyway

another quiz

2007-11-11T16:04:00.000+08:00

Vicky, you are so benevolent. when i have nothing to post about, i can just rip some quizzes from your blog, then post it. As such, i shall put the person's name as you(though you are really the last person who tagged me). = D

The last person who tagged you is :Vicky
2. The relationship with him/her is :secondary school friend
3. Impression you have of him/her :hyper, nice to hang out with
4. The most memorable thing he/she has done for me :ehh… dun remember sia…. Ooh, I know, I wore the wrong side of my strap at my bag, then she turned to the right side for me. O.o
5. The most memorable words he/she has said to you :“GAH”
6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will :ehhhh……love her?
7. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will :depends if it is I who hate her, or she who hates me.
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be :dunno….learns about her secrets?
9. Your overall impression of him/her is :nice, great, refer to the “long” description in previous post
10. How you think people around you will feel about you :I dunno. Well… what do you guys think then, this gives you smth to tag at my tagbox le, right?
11. The characteristic you love about yourself is :strong self-consciousness, determination(or stubborn)
12. The characteristic you hate about yourself is :quite clumsy
13. The most ideal person you want to be is :myself is enough
14. For people who care and like you, say something to them :“something”

insomania

2007-11-05T03:44:00.000+08:00

This is driving me mad. why did i sleep for 6 hours during my afternoon nap..... Now i had to lie on my bed, stare at the ceiling. now i cannot fall asleep at all. dun even feel tired. Tried to play computer games to make me fall asleep, no use. read books, no use. day(actually night)dream, no use. close my eyes, no use. and so now i am blogging. hoping that that would revive my blog and at the same time, make myself more tired. oh come on, can't i just go to sleeep. why is sleeping so hard. gosh, i am talking to myself by typing. haha. lucky this is not during exams and tmr no sch. i had to keep my volume down to avoid waking my family, and on the headlamp so as to deceive my family that i am sleeping. hmm...what music should i listen to? i am listening to love songs just now, my personal lullaby that i use on a daily basis when i am going to sleep. now i am listening to linkin park.... maybe change to classical? yay, talking to myself. come on, jasmon. you can do it, YOU CAN SLEEP. LOOK there, AT the faraway lands, where little white, fluffy sheeps jump over the damn stupid fence. just count those little sheeps and you will go to dreamland where all is so calm, like the silent night or whatever. then you will enter imaginary world where every single thing looks like they are defying gravitational force and floating all around and little idiotic fairies come and go and claim they your god-mother or smth. then, enter poetic world where emotions control me and words just jump to my head, while inspirations loiter in my brain. look, there are so many worlds to choose to, can you stop typing in reality. this is really making me sick, typing to myself. but i kinda like it. cool, all of you can see what is going through my head right about now. what to talk about..hmmm.., let's see. oh, my bedsheet is winnine the pooh in a purple hula hoop. how cute. then the purple hula hoop became fatter and transform to a FLOAT. wow, still purple though. err.... i am wearing a blue shirt. cool! not. NOOOOOOO. why didnt the situation improve. i did not feel more tired. nvm

more talking to myself and, perhaps you, it shall be then..................................................................................... this is so pathetic. i have nothing to talk about. ok, i know. have you ever heard of weird al yankovic. he is somewhat like a singer and he likes to make parody of songs. you got time go youtube and type his name. his songs are hilarious. ummmm........oh, yeh. ahem.... my name is jasmon hoh wan ting, age 13 this year, which happens to be 2007. i am a male and i am a chinese. i like the colour blue and my favourite number is 21. my primary school is xinmin primary school and my secondary school is chung cheng high school (main). I can play classical guitar and piano, both a little. I am good at filming, editing videos. ooh, now then i discover i had been typing in the darkness. omg, is 4 o clock. and no signs of jasmon being tired..... why am i even posting this, such a disgrace to my blog where i only posts reviews, quiz, or poems. how can this be categorized. fine, this shall be under the "other posts." shall i continue typing until i fall asleep on the computer desk?

let's talk bout drama nite. truly, after this whole time spent on drama, and teacher's advices. I think i had improved. haha. but my mum cricticized on my acting on the stage, how sad. but nvm, i did put in effort. (can't think of anything to say. how to address everyone as a whole. nvm, just use everyone) everyone that participated in the acting and backstage, you had my deepest gratitude for standing by and putting up a good show. for the school, for the teacher, for the parents, for us. it had been a great time, being xu xian and earning some or little fame as the character as some teachers call me that. cool. sad thing is GERONTIUS BROKE MY FAN. sad, i feel like going back to chinatown and buying a new one. i still got the small one anyway. ahh, when i can we meet wanglaoshi again. he is such a good teacher. and i wonder if he had started drinking those chrysanthemum(whatever it is spelled). next time(if there is) we should have just bought the flower, ju hua, for him. then can buy a lot, he go cut and make the tea himself. other thing i write in the upcoming fan si, which huanglaoshi said there WILL be this fansi.

ahh.... i think i should go try to sleep again. i dun want to stare at the screen for too long. later lose my perfect eyesight. fine, goodbye everyone. perhaps we will meet again. goodbye to myself typing this too.