If you ask me, do you regret anything that you did this year?

I would answer: No.

I never regretted anything that I did this year. All that I have done, I never regretted. Good or bad, upsetting or happy, they all taught me something. Every little thing taught me the rules of survival and ways to make it all better. For that, I am lucky. This has been the most fruitful and eventful year yet, perhaps even the turning point in my teenagehood. I have now experienced things(boy i swore I never even seen it coming when I was in chung cheng), that would have changed my point of view forever. And I am glad, for those events, now that I know better.

It is the things I didn't do that I regret. What do I regret not doing?
-I regret not being able to do as well academically
-I regret missing so many class outings and not paying as much attention to my friends
-I regret shying away when opportunities and friends open up to me
-I regret not seeing all the mistakes I have made as a person(though now i will see to it that it will be changed)

And maybe more, but just that these are the few that could come right off my head. Reviewing my whole year, one question I thought I would definitely ask myself. Do I regret making the choice to come to VJC? No, of course not. Sometimes, maybe i miss the friends in chung cheng, much more of my type, and the chinese environment there. But overall, it has still been a good decision to come here. Gets me out of my comfort zone and well, i might find something yet again that I like here. In fact, I think I do.

Alright, now I shall compile my Thank you list, to people that well, I want to thank. I might add more, if i suddenly rememebered the incident. But for now, here it goes:

Prancer
My childhood best friend, and still my best friend. You have always been a great friend to me(and your family is very nice to me too), helping me when I'm faced with problems countless times. Or rather just hanging out with me countless of times, whether playing table tennis or in wolfteam or just to catch up with each other's life. I still enjoy those conversations at friday night. haha man, i also dont know how to describe, but yea buddy, Thanks a lot. I know I can trust you with my wallet, handphone or anything valuable that I have and not have a single doubt you'll take it for yourself. And I know you can say the same thing to me. =D Its been a good 5 years knowing you man (i mean, dont count the ones when we are just 7 years old, that time we dont even know each other well yet), and i'm sure it will go on strong.

Jerry
Thank you buddy, for all the advice you have given me. It does help, most of it. And man, whenever I talk to you, my mind clears a little, and I can finally put things in perspective. Its awesome to know someone who you know you could share your thoughts with in peace(I'm sure you felt the same way eh?) To be able to talk to someone, or just reminiscient bout the past. And anyway we used to meet up in the morning to play basketball during the holidays quite often. Well, anyway I'm glad you climb to where you are today, as vice-head prefect, i'm sure all that you went through would do you good in the long run.

Gerontius
It has been a tough year eh? When we are all struggling to top each other academically. I wouldn't say that there hasn't been times when things got slightly tense and awkward, but really, you still had been a great friend to me. Perhaps you have sometimes thought that you might not have been a good enough friend, in fact I think that I might not have been a good enough friend. Many events that occured, but still...I think we still managed to kept it intact eh? Perhaps at the start I have been living in the past, but now, i do see a way out and how it could still be ensued. Change is occuring constantly. Man you always gave me your understanding, but i always felt that i have misused it.Either way, you have been a great companion and a good rival in academics, dont deny to me that you dont see me that way. But who says rivals can't be friends? haha. Thank you so much for your understandings and competition! It drives me on! Hah!

Gladys
Now, Here's someone I can write an entire essay about. Haha. You have taught me much, and though much that I still need to learn O.o But yea, you have essentially changed the way I have seen things, and I mean really, a lot of things. Taiji being one such thing. Haha, I'll never regard it as an elderly sport anymore. never.

There is....really so much that I can thank you for, and as much that I need to apologise to you for. I could only use one excuse: I am not a perfect person, and I am not, honestly, and I do make mistakes, a lot of mistakes, which is also some things that I do regret this year. But bygones be bygones eh? I do look forward to next year when things can all be back on track once more eh? And I will strive to make that happen.

I really had a great time hanging out with you. And I have to say, you have greatly improved my knowledge about wushu and sports science. haha. Some stuff that you pointed out about me was right (though not all), and I have finally seen how negative it impacts, thanks so much, it does help me in the future.

Gladys, you had been a close friend to me and I'm sure I had been to you as well. I truly hope this will ensue. And congratulations on achieving an international medal earlier this year, and thanks for sharing the good news with me firsthand too. Thank you, thank you, though I still feel that I owe you a word of thanks, or an apology too little.

Rachel
Yes, Rachel Lam. You are on my list. xD Also thank you for listening to me at times and giving me support at times. In comparison, I truly felt that I had done much lesser. But thank you anyways for chatting with me and being an awesome group mate. You know, whenever you are absent during the JABAR times, the whole group really gets much quieter. But yes, another thing I regret is that I didn't try to help you as much in your homework to repay you, hope I still have the chance to do so in the future.

Jolene and Weeqin
I admit I haven't really talked much to Weeqin this year, maybe more to Jolene (as you always seemed to be in my group, haha) But one thing I do remember: Whenever I wrote my heart out in the blog due to some upsetting events that occured, you two had tried to talk to me and ask if I'm alright. This seemingly simple gesture of concern is in fact, very encouraging to me. Though I'd just shrug it off and say I'm alright, I'll never forget those 4 simple words said by you. And for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Jerrell, Abdullah and Gang
Haha, you guys are awesome company. I just wish i knew and hanged out with you guys earlier. That would be so much more fun. In fact, even though I only started hanging out with you guys near the end of the year, I had so much fun it is comparable to the total amount of fun i had in sec sch. Rock on dudes!

That's all for now.

As we grow up, there are more things in life that we start to appreciate, and some things that we start to forgo. Perhaps grow out of it? Like some say. But of course, you can never truly grow out of it, for deep within everyone lives a child, a playful spirit that will never mature. Well, I notice that I start to not take as much interest as I used to in video games anymore and instead I start to enjoy hanging out with my friends more. Yes, even if its just prancer and me, playing table tennis or badminton or working out at the gym. I seemed to enjoy this more than playing wolfteam. Or hanging out with Jerrell and company. But of course, I still enjoy playing wolfteam or my xbox360, just maybe not as much. I wonder if this is permanent?

Does friendships have an expiry date?

When you discover that even when you try to be the best, you can't be the best...
When you discover that even though you want something to happen really bad, but it still won't..
When you discover that all that you work hard for had not paid off well...
When you discover that nothing in this world can be everything....
When you discover that some things are just too late to salvage...

Then you start to wonder where did it went wrong? Did I not put in enough effort? Was i just not good enough? Is it that time has just been cruel? And it all just pumps up and goes into your head. But somewhere did inside, you seemed to know the truth, the truth of why did it not go your way. But then you decided that it was just a speculation and so you stick to the other more obvious excuses.

Unable to face the truth

Time passes...Then the urgency of the problem starts to dissolve and everything suddenly seems bearable. But deep inside, you know it hurts, for the problem has not been solved yet, just that you decided that it can't be solved and so you put it aside. And the problems just accumulates, as more and more issues sprung up. Depression and self criticism sets in, and you are robbed of your laughter and your smile. Why dint i do better? I could have done so... And your mind gets consumed by the blaming and you fall into deep slumber. The next day you woke up, and the problem is still there, except now it doesn't seem to be staring right at your face anymore.


All of these things...I find that I can never be first in those things. Always, I have been second.

But

that does not stop me from there, for i will forever work hard to strive to be the first in everything. Even though i might fail time and again, I might never in my life time, truimph it, but I will still strive for it. When you set your mind to it, nothing in this world can stop you.

While passing through the many stages of life, we will come to love many people. It need not all be in the form of romantic love, but we will still come to like them, form bonds and ultimately love them. It is all human nature. This person, or rather many people, could be your friends or families or spouse.



Ever heard of the phrase "I love you, but i am not in love with you." ? It comes to the point when self-interests and benefits is no longer important or relevant. What you wish is for the person you love to stay happy and be in good health. A return equal to that of what you give is no longer required, for you believe that it will be returned in time, in kind.



We will come to love many, for they make up part of our life. We love them for who they are. Yet the nature of love is free and is never binding. For love is just like a sparrow, it sings to the heart and its all around us. It is never meant to be captured, yet so many, often tried to enclose it within bars, to make sure it has no chance to leave their sight. Yet no one can change the nature of love, its liberty and freedom. Love will stay if it is meant to.



Some take love to solely mean romantic love. Yet, you always hear phrases such as: I love you as a friend/or I love you, child/Love your enemies as you would love yourself. Is that not love too? Yes it is, love does indeed comes in many forms. Romantic love just requires more passion, committment and intimacy between two parties...



As life goes on, I do come to recognize individuals which i feel strongly towards. Perhaps at some point in my life, I just came to love them, they way they are and come to be concerned and involved in their life. Of course, with the short amount of daylights I had seen in my fifteen years of life, I am sure I will come to love many more. Yet for them now, these feelings, them, I do cherish. Love is a kind of bond, a feeling perhaps, that is something like gravity. Its hard to eliminate it, and even if you destroy its very core, the force of attraction of its remnants is still there and continues to bind you.

It's so much easier to hold on than to let go...

________________披着羊皮的狼________________

If there is anything I had learnt from the past, it'll be this:

• -Live your life the way you want to. There is no need to hide, no need for a mask.
• -In the end, YOU are the one that is going to matter to you.
• -You dont need to live for others, they can take care of themselves.
• -Apologize if you are in the wrong, if not, there is no need to.
• -If there is anything that you want to do, do it for yourself, if not, do it because you want to and expect no returns.
• -You cannot please the whole crowd, so the least you can do is please yourself and leave no regrets.
• -Others can judge, others can criticize, but they'll be much more busy dealing with their own problems.
• -Yet there is a need to consider every constructive line of criticism They are a gift to help you improve yourself. You can feel put down by it, but ultimately, you are the one making yourself suffer, look beyond, regardless of their intentions, at least it helped. And I am genuinely grateful for those who gave me this gift.
• -But, what others say of you might not necessarily be you. You are you, regardless of how others perceive you, if their criticism is untrue, just accept it. But there must be some reason to spark it off, it'll be interesting to find out.
• -I am my own master
• -I dont live for approvals
• -You can compromise, but dont put others' needs before you
• -Others dont decide how you behave, what you say. This is a democratic society, I say what I want to say, as long as it is not out of spite.
• -Expectations often leads to disappointment. So there is really no need to expect. I give because I want to, and not because I'm looking for returns.
• -Stroll along the path of life-- there's really so much to appreciate
• -I trust myself and my judgement
• -I know my own goals and dreams, and i will strive to achieve them.
• -I know who I am, and I am proud of myself.
• -Sometimes, there is no need to consider too much. Just be decisive and make up your mind and stick with it.

Above all, Live a Carefree and happy life, dont need to take everything too seriously. But know that 10 years down the road, all the stuff now,(popularity,crushes,maybe even friends,etc....) will no longer matter as much and what you will be left is your certificates and report cards, and what you learnt from all these experiences. They will be the ones that will make a difference. However, when you are at the present, live for the present and live your own life.

Give help because you want to and because others need it, Give praises because you wish to and because you mean it, Give in only because you think that is the right thing to do.

Tell you what, I feel that my whole life is a lie. My core beliefs has been shaken to its very core. All that I have respected, confucianism, mutuality, 以德报怨，舍己为人, all these teachings and core beliefs i held to be a good person, is as good as using ink and brushes from chinese calligraphy to do my homework. They are just china's political strategy to let their people be subjected to the government at that time, at least. 说得难听一点（摘自《狼图腾》），这只是为了让他的自民顺从于当时的朝廷，把他们驯成温顺的羊。而我再也不想追随他们的口中的理想，时代变了，这些根本用不着了。

Despite the fact that I shall abandon all these stupid core beliefs, (the confucianism being one of them) that had eluded me all these years, I still have my own principles to stick to. After all, if you life stand for nothing, how empty that would have felt. I still believe in living with integrity, and I still have my own life principles to follow.

Dont be afraid to admit the mistakes that you may have made. Be strong. Rectify it, move on, and dont fall back to where you had come from.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us
most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and
famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing
small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the
glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us.
And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others.”

--Marianne Williamson

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